Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Day 1 of Back On The Wagon

Hi guys!

Today I am officially back on the wagon after my wonderful, glorious, tremendous, beautiful couple of days off. Not obsessing about every last point was so refreshing, but after two days I was ready to get back to it. Even though I didn't go too crazy (other than the 18,000 pancakes I inhaled last night) I just felt kind of gross because I couldn't remember what I'd actually eaten, if that makes sense? I'm so used to tracking meticulously that it feels kind of weird to not have it all written down at the end of the day. I suppose as habits go, keeping track of what you eat and drink isn't really a bad one!

Unfortunately I couldn't make it to my meeting to be weighed this morning, so I've no idea what the damage is - and I don't really want to. Its all in the past now - time to greet the week!

My plan for this week is to stick to my daily points wherever possible and to really question myself as to whether I'm actually hungry or if I'm just snacking for the sake of it. I'll be spending a lot of time in the library this week (deadlines are looming) and often the temptation is to grave on chocolate and crisps throughout the day. Obviously thats something I want to avoid so I'll be stocking up on lots of 'healthy' library snacks instead! I also want to squeeze in three good gym sessions. I was planning four but I don't want to overdo it considering what happened over the last couple of weeks. The next couple of weeks are all about finding the right balance to keep losing, so I'll probably keep mixing things up until I find the winning formula.

I also had a very exciting email this morning that I wanted to tell you all about! I've been contacted by an Accounts Exec at Weight Watchers, and they've offered to send me some of their products so I can review them on here! Its kind of weird to think that actual real-life Weight Watchers people know about my blog!! I will have to stop calling it Fat Fighters now! Seriously though, its hugely flattering and I'm very excited to have been offered the chance to do it! I emailed back straight away to say that I would, of course, be interested, so now I'm just waiting for more details! I'll keep you posted :)

I just wanted to share a few 'thinspirational' pictures with you before I head off to work some more on my essay....most of these have been stolen from the gorgeous Krystle's facebook page. Head on over and check it out if you haven't already! The others are from google images.

(Disclaimer: I don't actually want to be as skinny as Kate Moss. The woman is basically a skeleton. No thank you. Its all about the curves!)

For now, thats all from me.

Love, Lauren xxx

Monday, 20 February 2012

Executive Decisions.

One of my favourite things about being a student is being almost entirely autonomous. For me, like most other students, University was my first time out of the parental home. It was the first time that I was responsible for myself - from paying the bills to putting food in the fridge. I've always been a fairly responsible and independent person anyway, so even when I was living at home it wasn't like I was under lock and key. For some reason though, its just not the same as actually living on your own. Even now, when I go home for the holidays, I feel like I have to report to my parents. How crazy is that!? I live on my own for nine months of the year, but as soon as a set foot in either my mother or fathers house I feel like I'm treading on eggshells and have to report my every move to somebody and ask if I can use the last of the milk...weird.

Anyway, my point is - I like living on my own. I like having my own space and being in charge of myself. When I was having a really rough time in my second year of university, it wasn't the thought of wasting two years of my life and racking up £20,000 of debt for nothing that stopped me from dropping out. It was the thought of not having my own house anymore. 

Having my own space, however, does have its downsides. One of them was my initial reaction to being in charge of my every meal. ('I can't be bothered to cook, lets get take-out.') There is no way that I would have gained so much weight so quickly had I still been living at home with people to keep a check on me. But I also wouldn't be obsessing about every last point, every last gram of cereal, every last ml of milk, the way I am now. In this instance, having someone else in charge would make my life so much easier.

I can 100% put this down to having gained for the last two weeks. I've said it before and I'll say it again - I don't mind putting on weight if I deserve it. If I've been out on the piss, eating shit and sitting on my arse all week, then a couple of lbs on is fine with me. That is the price you pay for being a lazy, greedy, vodka swilling liability. But for the last fortnight I was none of these things. And I still put on.

Last Wednesday I said to myself that I wasn't going to get upset, that I was going to regroup and plough on and everything would be fine. Unfortunately that wasn't the case, and instead I've found myself obsessing for the last five days over every single little thing. Not only am I fully aware that that is not healthy, it is also not me. Out of the plethora of things that I obsess about on a day to day basis, food is not one of them. One of the joys of Weight Watchers is that it doesn't have to be. If I want some chocolate, then chocolate is what I will have. Or crisps. Or a McDonalds. As long as its pointed, its fine. But his week hasn't been like that, to the point that last night I felt such extreme guilt at eating some toast that I spent half the night laying awake worrying about it, even though - and I can't stress this enough - I was still under my points!!

I KNOW, RIGHT!? What is that all about!?

So this morning, after obsessing for hours, I made an executive decision. No ProPoints for the next two days. That doesn't mean I can go absolutely crazy and inhale everything in sight - what it does mean is that I'm not going to point or track either today or tomorrow. As of Wednesday morning, its a whole new Weight Watchers week and I will be back to tracking, but for now I need a break. I need to not obsess about saturated fat content and how many minutes on the treadmill it will take me to burn off a banana. I need to not feel guilty every time I get hungry. I won't be eating any differently to how I would on any other normal day, I just won't be checking off the points as I go. I need a break from worrying about it - because it doesn't get me anywhere. It just makes me anxious. And when I'm anxious, I eat. 

As soon as I made the decision this morning, I felt better. I haven't gone completely insane and eaten an entire cow today (yet), but I feel so much more relaxed about it. I'm not stressing about what I can have for dinner. And if I want a Dairy Milk for dessert, then I'll damn well have one. I have been doing Weight Watchers for a very long time now, and I will be doing it for a long time yet, but under no circumstances will I become a person who allows their life to be dictated by what they can and can't eat or drink. There is always a danger of taking things too far when you follow a plan like Weight Watchers, and I always swore that I wasn't going to be one of those people. The last five days has taught me that being obsessed with food from a weight loss point of view is just as unhealthy as being obsessed with shovelling as much food into ones body as is humanly  possible. I don't want to be either of those things. Sometimes its ok to have a day off from points.

As per, apologies for the wordy and rambly post. I promise one day I will have a coherent post with some pretty pictures for you - unfortunately today is not that day!

Much love to everyone, I hope you all had a fantastic week!

Lauren xx

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Weigh-In Updates

Hi everyone!

So you may have noticed the lack of a weigh-in post last week, and there is good reason for this. Last week, after tracking religiously and hitting the gym four times, I had a gain of 0.5lbs. I know, I know, it doesn't seem like much, but when you've been so good, the last thing you want is to have gained weight. I tried not to let it bother me too much, and just carried on as normal this week...tracking, going to the gym and to spin/combat/step classes. I stepped on the scales this morning, and guess what?

0.5lb on

Needless to say, I was livid. Like, seriously so annoyed and frustrated and just generally furious about the injustice of it all. And I know that I'm losing inches, and I know that everyone reaches a plateau at some point and you just have to struggle through and not lose focus and blah blah blahhhh....I know all that. But it doesn't make it any less annoying when you're doing everything right and the numbers are going up instead of down.

Anyway, after quietly seething throughout the remainder of my meeting and simultaneously planning a trip to McDonalds and the bakery on the way home, I decided that enough was enough. I am not about to be beaten by a measly 1lb gain - not when I've come so far and I'm so close to getting to where I want to be. I've lost over 90lbs, for crying out loud. Whats 1lb in comparison to that?! F*** all, thats what!

Instead I decided to focus on all of the good things that have happened this week:

  1. I can now run for a full mile. I went to the gym last week with the intention of jogging on the treadmill for five minutes. Five minutes came and went, and I ended up jogging for twelve minutes and clocking up just over a mile! I have never been able to jog for more than two minutes in my life, in fact when I started I couldn't even jog for 30 seconds, so to be able to jog for twelve minutes feels incredible (NB I went to the gym today and added a minute to that time - go me!)
  2. Another fitness related one: I reached a new 'top gear' in my Spin class on Friday. I am now what is considered by my instructor (affectionately nicknamed Army Man/Bionic Man because he is HENCH) as a 'veteran' spinner.
  3. I went out on Saturday night and pulled! My friends Natalie and Liz did their classic 'have you met my friend Lauren' to a guy on the dance floor and I ended up getting a drink and a number out of it. This does not happen often and so is definitely something to be celebrated! I'm not sure if I'll see him again, but it was a nice ego boost nonetheless.
  4. After seeing that I was a bit disheartened by gaining for the second week in the row, my leader told me something guaranteed to cheer me up. Its all on the down-low at the moment but hopefully I'll have more news to share with you all soon!
I hope everyone is having a wonderful week!

Lauren xx

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Failing At WI Updates, A Little Thank You And More.

(Disclaimer: I would like to apologise in advance if this post is a bit all over the place. Not going to lie, my head is a bit all over the place at the moment so it makes sense that the blog should be as well)

Hi guys! So I know I'm massively late with the weekly weigh-in updates, but better late than never right!? This week I lost a fantastic (if I do say so myself) 5lbs at weigh-in, bringing me to a grand total of 6st 7.5lbs lost. I was hoping for a loss of around 3lbs, because I was super good last week both food and exercise wise. I went right back to basics in terms of tracking - weighing and recalculating everything - and I managed five hardcore gym sessions as well. I can 100% say that I earned everyone ounce that I lost last week...I just didn't expect it to be quite so many ounces! Especially not when I'm this close to my goal (20.5lbs to go, eeeeeek!)

On top of having a really good loss on the scales, I've also blasted away a fair few inches over the last four weeks. You might remember from my previous post that I said I would keep you updated on my inch loss as and when the time comes to fill it in in my journal. As of Wednesday, my measurements were:

Right Upper Arm: 11.5in (loss of 0.5in)
Waist: 29.5in (loss of 2in!!!)
Hips: 41in (loss of 1.5in)
Right Thigh: 24in (loss of 1in)

I'm especially pleased about having lost 2 inches from my waist and an inch and a half from my hips. I am a classic pear-shape and my hips, arse and thighs are the bane of my life! I don't care how many times Gok Wan tells me that curves are sexy - give me skinny legs, narrow hips and little bum any day!

Ok, moving on from my AMAZING weigh-in results (you can tell I was pleased, can't you?) and onto other topics. Without trying to sound like a bit of an attention whore, I just want to say that there isn't really much that I'm really good at. I was never a dancer, I can't sing, I don't play any sports. I used to go to a drama class but I was never the star of the show (except when I was Eliza Doolittle of My Fair Lady in my year five school play. The pre-learning to speak properly Eliza. And even then I was only cast because I hadn't quite lost my cockney accent.) I'm probably slightly above average academically - slightly. I'm good at my subject, but I am by no means the best. I'm a good friend. Other than that, there's nothing I've ever really been 'the best' at, or been massively praised for.

And then along came Fat Fighters Weight Watchers.

Weight Watchers is the first thing ever that I've really been praised for. I'm not going to go all gooey and teary-eyed on you all - thats not really my thing. But I feel like I need to acknowledge all the wonderful comments and compliments that I've received since I started the plan. I can't quite articulate how much it means to me that people have taken the time to comment on the blog, or stop me in my Weight Watchers meeting to congratulate me. It is the most bizarre and humbling feeling in the world to have strangers tell you that you are 'inspiring', and to know that I've been able to help people. Over the last couple of months there seems to have been something of a chain reaction going on, with more and more of my friends and family signing up and losing weight. I'm not egotistical enough to believe that I am solely responsible for their losing weight and getting healthy, but its so lovely and flattering to know that they feel that they can come to me for help and encouragement and advice. When I first started I didn't know anybody who was at or close to goal, and I feel like I really missed out on some of the encouragement and advice I could have received had I known somebody who was on the other side of it. I definitely wouldn't have taken my August 2010-January 2011 sabbatical if I had had someone on side to remind me that sacrificing a few snakebites and a takeaway on a night out is worth it in the long run. Because believe me, it is. 100, 200, 300%. I can say that without a shadow of a doubt, and I'm not even at my goal yet. Knowing that people are  proud of what I've achieved so far, and are looking to me as a demonstration of how well the plan actually work spurs me on even harder to get to my goal weight, because if I don't its not just me that I'm letting down. Its all of you, my followers, as well. Its my wonderful friend Emma, who has been my biggest supporter since day one. Its Liz, who just got to her 10% target, and Nikki, who just joined up. Its Natalie, who got to her goal last week. Its my mum and stepmum, both of whom have recently joined and are doing fantastic. Its my family, who have been nothing but supportive of me no matter what. Its also my housemates, who I have driven to distraction with talk of pounds lost and dress sizes dropped, as well as entirely taking over the freezer with about 100 different batch recipes in takeaway containers. Basically any person who has ever congratulated or praised or just put up with me in anyway - thank you for your support. I will never get tired of being told how well I've done, particularly during those times when I don't feel it myself.

Wow...I'm glad I got that off my chest. I feel so much better now. A couple more things before I bury my head in T.S Eliot....

On Wednesday we went out to celebrate aforementioned friend Natalie getting to her goal weight. I'm sure you're all bored to tears of this dress by now, but I love it so I don't care!!

Natalie, me and Nikki

Only slightly intoxicated...

First ever reasonably nice photo of me and Mark

Loving life in the Little Red Dress

The reason I am sharing these photos with you is because the Little Red Dress is sadly on its way out - ie its getting too big! I'm completely devastated because I love it so much, but I'm pretty sure there is only a couple more wears in it before I can no longer pull it off. I never thought I would be sad about clothes getting too big for me, but I am. I think this is one of my all-time favourite items of clothing. Along with this black dress, of course.

Other than my inevitable sadness about the impending loss of the Little Red Dress, as well as my uncontrollable compulsion to be a complete masochist good friend/decent human being, I had a fantastic night. It was so nice to go out for the night with people that I wouldn't normally go out with. I think I definitely have some residual fat-girl fear of going out to clubs, and I have only ever really gone with my housemates or Emma, Sophie and Katie because I know them so well! Its nice to know there's another pre-Weight Watchers habit that I've managed to break. Now all I need to do is stop biting my nails and I'm golden!

Ok, I've rambled on for far too much for one day! From now on I will endeavour to update more regularly and therefore not end up inundating you all with the useless shit that falls out of my brain!

Have a great weekend everybody!

Muchos amor!
Lauren x