Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Season's Greetings!

Hello my beauties! And a belated Merry Christmas/Happy Hanakkuh/Season's Greetings from me! I hope you've all had a wonderful few days eating, drinking, opening presents - and most importantly, spending time with your loved ones. I've had a very manic but totally enjoyable Christmas myself - I've been shuttled between Dad's house, Mum's house, my Auntie's and my Nan's. Needless to say I've eaten enough food to sink a ship, and judging by the number of empty bottles in our recycling bin there is probably no wine left in the entire South-East of England. But its Christmas. And if you can't indulge at Christmas then when can you indulge?

This is not to say that I plan to continue to indulge for the rest of this week - I am back on the wagon as of this morning. I haven't managed to get to a meeting this week (the local one at my Mum's is closed for Christmas - on the 28th of December!? I mean, really?) but I'm estimating a gain of about 5lbs. I'd like to get rid of most of it before I weigh in next week, which means I'm avoiding all the leftover Christmas goodies at all costs (my Mother's house basically looks like a Cadbury bomb exploded in it. Chocolate's everywhere. Not to mention the cheese and crisps and cake and mince pies and lots of other yummy stuff that's lingering in the kitchen. Sob!) Once I'm back at Uni and am removed from temptation I can really start to get my head back in the game - not to mention get back in the gym. I'm actually missing exercise after sitting on my arse doing nothing for the last fortnight. And this is coming from me - I hate exercise!

Anyway, this is just a quick one from me to check in and wish you all a 'proper merry Crimbo' (if you don't know what that means, shame on you), and I'll be back with regular updates soon...probably when there's actually something for me to update you with!

Lots of love
Lauren xxx

Thursday, 15 December 2011

Catching Up

Hi guys!

I know I've been AWOL over the last few weeks but I'm trying to get my head back in the game! This is just a really quick update from me to let you know that I have officially reached the 6st mark. I weighed in this week with a 4.5lb loss (don't ask me how that happened!) after a 3lb loss last week as well. My grand total is now 6st 3lbs - or 87lbs for those of you who don't speak 'old money'. I couldn't be happier about it - I literally had the most ridiculous grin on my face all day yesterday, it was sickening.

I have to go now, I'm currently in the library working on an essay that I should have finished weeks ago...why do I do this for every deadline?! I just wanted to share a picture with you all before I go.

Who are these people!? I don't recognise either of them! ;)

Monday, 12 December 2011

Often, in times of particular stress or emotional upheaval, I find myself withdrawing - pulling back into myself and away from other people. My family assure me that this is normal, that it is how I've always been and probably always will be. I'm not a social person by nature - for the most part human companionship is not something that I require. I enjoy socialising with friends and family, but I'm also perfectly comfortable alone. With this in mind, perhaps its not surprising that I withdraw into myself when I'm stressed or unsettled - its where I'm most comfortable and at peace.

At the moment, there are things going on that I can scarecely find the energy to really think about, never mind talk or write about. Even if I could, I wouldn't be able to share them on here. Unfortunately this blog is no longer a place where I can express myself without fear of judgement. It has made it difficult to blog about anything at all recently - hence my extended absence, for which I apologise. I guess because these things take up so much room in my head, they become inextricably linked with everything else. To write about one aspect of my life without mentioning the things that seem to be defining and dictating my every thought and movement feels like a lie - and I would rather be silent than lie, especially on here.

I'm still here though. I'm still checking in on everybody and I'm still fighting the Weight Watchers corner - although somehow it feels a little different now. I've always said that Weight Watchers is something that I'm doing for myself, and only myself. With everything else that is going on, its beginning to feel like this is not just for my benefit anymore. I know that this needs to change. I want to get to goal and feel ecstatic at my own achievement, not devastated because my success hasn't had the desired effect on other people. I've never really been an achiever - I've never done anything noteworthy in my life. This is the only thing that I've ever done that matters - even if it only realy matters to me. Somehow I need to find a way to protect that - a way to cordon off this little part of myself from the messy and complicated parts of my life. I''m not sure how I'm going to go about doing this, but I hope I can. It would be a shame to let the one part of my life that I can control become tainted by those parts that I can't.

I'm sorry for rambling on at you for all this time, but after going AWOL for so long I felt like you needed a slightly better explanation that 'I've been busy' (even though I actually have). I made a commitment to be honest on here, and as the saying goes 'you're only as good as your word'. There are certain commitments that I'm not willing to break, and certain people that I'm not willing to let down.

So yeah...just know that I'm still about - I haven't gone anywhere. Please bear with me and hopefully things will soon return to business as usual!

Lauren xx