Without going into too many details (I want my blog to be a happy place!), I had a shitty shitty day yesterday. When I really stop and think about it, I can see that it was probably all my own fault - I let the people who don't matter overshadow the people that do. For the last five years I've had this warped idea that the only person who can fix me is the person that broke me in the first place - and that just isn't so. The only person that can fix me is me. It took a hell of a long time for me to face up to the fact that I was dangerously overweight and even more dangerously unhappy. But I did face up to it, and I made the change. I'm no longer dangerously overweight, and I'm no longer dangerously unhappy. I'm far more content in my own skin than I have been for a long time, maybe even forever. But that doesn't mean a slight knock can't push me down again. It takes a lot of compliments, a lot of flattering photos, a lot of lbs lost on the scales for me to feel good about myself, but all it takes is one well-placed comment by somebody who is supposed to care about me for it all to come crashing down around my ears. This is what happened last night, and the facade of self-confidence was quickly shattered.
It could have been far worse than it was. I could have fallen back down the rabbit hole that it took me a year to climb out of. Its only because I am surrounded by so many incredible people that I didn't completely fall apart. Throughout the day, every time I felt myself fraying at the edges, there was always somebody there to pull me back. Like my dad, who phoned to tell me that I looked lovely in my birthday pictures, even if that dress 'was a bit short'. And like the two friends who haven't seen me for four months, and who both did a double take when I said hello to them. And like my housemate, who put aside his own less-than-awesome night to make me feel better. He asked me the other day what my favourite part of losing weight was, and I couldn't give an answer other than the stereotypical, superficial 'pretty clothes' response. In truth I don't really have a favourite part of losing weight, because pretty much all of it is awesome. But if I had to choose, I'd say that being able to look past the negative and have some faith in myself is the best part of losing weight. I have no doubt that without the support of my incredible friends and family, I wouldn't have been able to keep a hold on myself yesterday - but I also know that it took a lot of strength from me as well. And that is something I definitely didn't have before I started this.
Fitting nicely into the theme of friends, family and support - I have received another blog award!
Liebster means 'favourite' or 'beloved' in German, and the award is designed to bring recognition to those bloggers who have fewer than 200 followers. Standard drill, if you get the award then link back to the person who gave it to you (in my case the very beautiful Krystle at Skinny Jeans Dreams) and then nominate your favourite bloggers to take part - don't forget to let them know so that they can pass on the love!!
And so, the award goes to.......drum roll please??
- Suzette at GIRL VS GUT. Suzette did a post earlier today about self-esteem and self-belief - honestly, it was like she was writing what I was thinking! Anybody who has ever tried to lose weight can relate to what Suzette says in her blog - particularly if you're a student who is trying to juggle weight-loss with studying AND keeping you head above water financially. In fact, you probably don't even need to be losing weight to benefit from Suzette's words - who doesn't need reminding that they're beautiful every now and again?
- Bonnie at Fat-Be-Gone. She's hilarious and ridiculously inspirational. She tells it exactly as it is, her Mental Monday posts have me in hysterics and I always look forward to what she has to say on weight-loss and life in general.
- Need To Get Me Back. This girl keeps it real. If she slips of the wagon, she's there to share. When she has a victory in her battle of the bulge, she's there to share. Its so awesome to read about all the struggles that we all face from time to time, and to be reminded that you're not the only one who may, sometimes, accidentally, use an entire days worth of points on chocolate. (At least we're honest about it, right!?)
- Rosie at Such Stuff As Dreams Are Made On. I don't need to say anything about Rosie other than she's my best friend and she's incredible. If you haven't already checked her blog out, then do so now. That's an order.
- And last but certainly not least, the lovely Krystle. This girl is a one-woman affront to all the bullshit excuses that are made for not losing weight. 'I've just had a baby' - yeah, so has she, and that isn't stopping her. 'I've got a bad back' - yeah, so has she, but that sure as hell isn't going to stop her either. I never cease to be amazed by how incredible this girl is - she just doesn't stop! Reading her blog is an absolute pleasure and I can't wait to see her reach her goal in a few weeks time. I'm very proud of her!
So there you go folks, go check these lovely ladies out! And thanks again to Krystle for passing the award onto me in the first place!
In other news, I have just finished reading The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas by John Boyne - strike one off my 21 Before 22 Book List pleaseeee. The book was incredible, really beautifully written and told from the perspective of a little boy called Bruno - the nine-year-old son of the Nazi Commandant in charge of Auschwitz. His innocence makes the book all the more harrowing for the reader, and the story manages to personalize the victims of one of the most horrifying events in history - we all know how terrible the Holocaust was, but its very difficult to appreciate the victims as individuals; there were just too many of them. Boyne manages to not only portray the horrors suffered by the Jewish people in the camps, but also those inflicted upon the families of the Nazi soldiers - those swept up by the regime through no fault of their own. It was a brilliant read, and I can't recommend it enough.