Earlier today I tweeted - 'the life-affirming moment when you don't recognise your own reflection in a shop window'. Believe it or not, that is exactly what happened. There I was, happily wandering to the train station after work, when I happened to glance into the window of Caffe Nero and saw myself reflected in the glass. It genuinely took me a second to figure out that it was me. Not because I looked super-skinny - far from it - just because I didn't look fat. I don't look like a proper fat person anymore. Sure, I'm still a bit on the large side, but I am no longer the person that people glance at out of the corner of their eyes because I'm that huge. I don't stand out anymore. Now, I just blend nicely into the background. (Just so you know, this is a good thing. I like being able to blend. I have wished on many occasions that I was capable of performing a disillusionment charm (Harry Potter Nerd is one of my listed languages on facebook, fyi) and just disappear into the background. I'm not losing weight so I can flaunt a sexy new figure for everybody to look at - I'm losing weight so people will stop looking at me.)
As I continued walking to the station (after I tweeted, obviously), I thought to myself about the significance of that moment and how in years to come, when I think back on this whole weight-loss thing, that moment and how I felt at the time will always stick out in my mind. And then I started thinking about all the other little 'oh' moments that I've had, and all the things I love about losing weight.
Like the time I was lying in bed on my tummy, the way I have always slept, and couldn't figure out why I couldn't get comfortable. It was only after I put a pillow underneath me that I realised it was because my ribs and hips were digging into the mattress.
Or when sitting on a chair with my legs crossed started to feel different, because I could actually cross them all the way over.
Or the first morning back at work this summer, when I completed the 1 mile up hill to the train station in 15 minutes without breaking a sweat or losing my breath. (Admittedly this may not sound like much, but time was it'd take me 35 minutes and I'd be dripping with sweat by the time I got to the station.)
Or going shopping in Oxford Street with the girls and not wanting to try on something I liked because they only went up to a size 18. The girls persuaded me to try it on anyway, and it was too big. So I tried on a 16. Too big. I ended up walking out of that shop with a size 14 playsuit - I haven't been a size 14 since I was 14! Only people who were once extremely overweight can truly appreciate the joy of being about to walk into a 'normal' shop and find something to wear. Its literally not something that I can put into words - and I've got a lot of words.
All of these moments were fleeting and seemingly insignificant. I wasn't doing anything special when they happened, I was just going about my business, living my life. But these are the moments that will stick with me, probably forever. These were the times when I felt like I was really getting there, and that maybe - just maybe - I might actually be able to do this. I'm now staring a 5st loss in the face, and most of the time it doesn't seem real. People tell me how well I'm doing, how good I look, and as much as I love them for saying it, I still can't really bring myself to believe it. All I see is the 3+st still to go, and even then it doesn't feel like I'll ever really get there. Its these little moments that make it feel like its really happening, I'm really doing it. And I can guarantee that no bar of chocolate, no glass of wine, no slice of cake or bag of chips or chinese takeaway, will ever taste as good as not recognising my own reflection felt.