I'm aware that I may be jumping the gun a little with this post, but over the last weeks and months I have been thinking more and more about getting to my goal weight, and how my life will be once I'm there. Having always been larger, I don't know what size clothes I will be wearing. I would imagine that a weight of 11st 11lbs on my 5'10 frame would put me somewhere in the region of a 12-14, perfect for me as I'm tall with wide hips and shoulders - anything less would look too thin I think! So I know roughly what I'll be wearing.
I also know that I'll have a BMI of around 22.5, smack bang in the middle of the 'healthy' range. Ok, so I'm healthy and I can wear pretty clothes. Great, that's all fantastic and those are both things that are very motivating. But that's not just what it comes down to, and the closer I get to my goal weight the more I'm beginning to realise that.
Don't get me wrong, I was never naive enough to believe that size 12 = instant happiness. I understand that my unhappiness does not stem simply from the fact that I am/was obese, there are also many other underlying factors. The knowledge that I am doing something about that, that I'm facing up to my demons and getting healthy has been a hugely effective antidepressant for me - I think I get a rush of endorphins from seeing the numbers on the scales go down. If thats the case, what happens when I get to goal? Am I still going to feel like that when the numbers are staying the same? A big part of me (the part near my arse) is worried that without the focus and drive required to lose every week, I'm just going to fall apart again. Without my even noticing it, Weight Watchers has become a huge part of my life - not just because I follow the plan, but because I'm so open and upfront about it with people from all different areas of my life. Everyone from my housemates to my mum to my work colleagues to my old school friends know that I'm on the plan, and I'm always happy to talk to people about it and answer questions. Maybe it is because of this, and because Weight Watchers is always at the forefront of my mind, that I have managed to maintain a fairly strong willpower most of the time. I'm talking about it, so I might as well put it into practice, right? What happens when I get to goal though? Am I still going to be talking about it every day? How am I going to cope without the buzz of a loss every week?
Its not only this aspect of getting to goal that worries me, and I know that there will never truly be a 'life after Weight Watchers' - I'll be counting points for a long time to come yet, and its possible that they may become even more important in maintaining my weight than they are now! No, its not just that. Its what will happen to this blog as well! Are you folks still going to be interested when its no longer a 'little less' of me? What happens when its just 'Lauren'?? I hope that you will all stay on after that eagerly-awaited day arrives, and will join me in my post-goal adventures! Because I plan to have a lot of adventures. Even now, when I'm only a little over halfway through, I see things differently to how I used to. I can't wait to experience things in what will essentially be a new body, half the size of the old one (I may have to work on co-ordination and knowing my limits yet, my brain hasn't quite realised that there's less of me than there used to be).
Looking back on it, I'm not sure that made any sense and there's a good chance that I'm just rambling like an idiot! (At least we know there's one thing that will never change - you can take the fat off of the girl, but you can't take the idiot out of her!)