Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Missing In Action.

Hello readers!

I was recently berated by my gorgeous friend Heidi for having not updated my blog in a long time, and I thought to myself, 'it's only been a week or so, surely?' Only when I looked did I realise that it's actually far closer to a month! I'm not entirely sure how that happened, nor can I figure out how it got to be February already. If anybody has any ideas on where January (and the last 20 years and four months of my life) went, can they let me know? Cheers very much.

If truth be told, my absence from blog-land (sounds less wanky and pretentious than 'blogosphere...right??) has been due more to my fragile little brain than anything else. The first few weeks back at uni after a long holiday are supposed to be the best of any term. This is before essays are set, before the pre-exam revision panic sets in, when you can get away with minimal reading and just have fun. However the first few weeks back this term were not that great to me. Over the Christmas holidays I came to the realisation that I don't really know what I'm doing with my life, and that I don't really have the desire at the moment to do anything with it. I enjoy my course enough to be able to tolerate doing it, but I don't have any of the passion or drive for it that other people seem to have for their subjects. The only reason I took English was because people told me I was good at it. I didn't come from a particularly high-achieving school, meaning that for quite a long time I was one of very few big fish in a very small pond, and grades that were considered good there were in reality mediocre. So I was praised by my teachers and parents for being in the top of the class, when it wasn't really that much of an achievement. And if you're told for five years that what you're best at is X, the natural conclusion is to take X further. I think maybe I would have been better off doing Y. Trouble is, I have absolutely no idea what Y is.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Back to my point. The first few weeks back at uni have been bleak. As I said, I have little or no passion for my course. I don't know what I want to do after university (obviously a career in anything literature-related is looking bleak given my current apathy towards the subject). The few good nights out I've been on have all ended badly (lost purse, lost keys, lost cash, lost dignity...), and on top of all that there have been problems with my housemates. AND I've no idea where I'm living, or even studying, next year. All in all, it hasn't been great.

The only positive aspect of this tale of woe is that I have been back on the WeightWatchers wagon, properly, since January 3rd. There have been a few days where I've gone off the rails but the majority of those have been alcohol-related derailments on nights out, something which I have grown to accept is an inevitable part of university life. The drinking culture is so massive that its almost impossible to escape it and its so easy on a night out to get caught up in matching your friends drink-for-drink. This becomes particularly troublesome when you're on your (male) friends birthday night out, with ten 19-20 year olds who seem to have livers made of steel, AND you're following international drinking rules. Or when you go to a relatives wedding and its open bar (yes, I know that doesn't count as university drinking culture, but any excuse!)

As well as being, for the most part, on track since January, I have also recently joined the gym. I haven't been exercising regularly since last year and despite having only been going for a week I already feel better. It tires me out and means I can be in bed, asleep, before 2am, something that was unheard of for a while. It has also resulted in my skin beginning to clear up (already) which is never a bad thing. I've been for a couple of dips in the pool there and I'm hoping to start building up how far I can swim as well what I can do on the machines. Before now I hadn't been near a pool (excluding my ex-boyfriends, and honestly, I wasn't exactly swimming when I was in there...) for about five years and I'd forgotten, or never really appreciated, how much hard work it is. Twenty minutes swimming is far more tiring than an hour on the cardio machines! I do have a new-found love of the cross-trainer as well. When I first started WeightWatchers I could only do about five minutes before I literally wanted to keel over and die. Now I can do twenty and I thoroughly enjoy them! Who woulda thunk it?

Now, down to the numbers...all this being on track and exercising has resulted in me keeping at least one of my new years resolutions. I'm still poor, my uni work still gets left to the last minute and my fingers still look like they've been chewed off by rats, but I haven't had any gains since January. I don't know exactly how much I've lost since I weighed myself on the 1st because there are some serious discrepencies between the four sets of scales in my life (mine, mums, dads, and meetings) which means that I vary in weight by up to half a stone depending on which ones I'm using, but I know in myself and more importantly in my clothes that I haven't put anything on. When I went back to meetings three weeks ago I was 10lbs heavier than I was in August. A lot of that was Christmas weight but I had been bouncing up and down in the same half a stone for a few months before Christmas as well. Since I've been back I've lost 5.5lbs, meaning that I have 4.5lbs to go until I'm back to the 3st mark. I'm hoping to do that in the next three weeks, and that getting past that number will break the mental barrier I've had since last summer and let me get on with losing the rest. So far I've lost 37.5lbs out of the desired 102.5lbs. I don't care how long it takes me to lose the other 65lbs, as long as I get there in the end.

Anyway, I feel that is quite enough of a rambly, wordy, me-me-me post for now. I solemnly swear that from now on I will update with some semblance of regularity, and that I will at least attempt to include some pictures. Preferably they will be of me, but I have the standard fatgirl aversion to having my picture taken, so no promises on that one.

For those of you who stuck this post out til the end...well done, and my apologies.
Thanks for reading!
Love you all! xxxx

1 comment:

  1. yey lauren, have been checking this a bit to see if you had posted :-) i am so glad that its not just me that is having the whole 'what the fuck am i doing with my life' phase, and 'why the fuck am i doing maths' only its too late to back out now!
    well done on staying focussed on ww despite everything
    loves xxx


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