Sunday, 28 November 2010

'After all, life is too short to be anything but happy.'

I stumbled across the above on a blog I read every now and again, and it struck home. Particularly the last part. I know I tend to focus too much on the negative things that happen in life, I think maybe its a family thing. I've been going through one of my depressive phases over the last couple of weeks which is not helped by my natural pessimism, but I can feel myself perking up as we speak and I'm going to try to be more positive about things from now on. Because moaning won't fix anything. 

You may have noticed its Sunday and I'm not reporting on weigh-in...its because I didn't go. Dad and George came down today, took me to Sainsburys and then for fish and chips in Herne Bay and we walked around and had a walk round Whitstable as well. It was SO cold and by the time I got home I didn't fancy walking to the train station in the freezing cold again just to be told I've put on 1lb (yes yes yes, I weighed myself at home, I'm a bad fat fighter.) And that 1lb is before the huge portion of fish and chips. Eeeeek. I'm actually thinking of changing my meeting to one on Wednesday morning. The one I go to at the moment is a train ride away and its cold and dark and just not convenient. I'm going to go to the Wednesday one this week and see what I think first before I make any decisions though. Will keep you posted!

Other than my day with the family today I've had a very low-key weekend. Lots of reading and watching films and chilling out. And sleeping off my bad mood. I've got a meeting with my seminar leader at 9.15am (!!!!) tomorrow to discuss my next essay, then a day in the library before my lecture and seminar between 3 and 6. Happy days! Plan to be properly back on the wagon from tomorrow, I'm even taking a packed lunch with me so I'm not seduced by the library cafe! That, my friends, is forward planning.

I'm off now, many apologies for the boring update this evening...I lead a boring life, what can I say!? Ahh the perils of being a poor student....:'(

For now, I will leave you with these gems...

Enjoy your evening all!

Lauren xxx

Thursday, 25 November 2010

Men Are From Mars...Or Are Women From Venus???

Hey guys. Apologies in advance for the oncoming rant (gender specific, as you had probably already assumed), I feel it is only right to forewarn you of these things so you can leave this blog, go now before you are subjected to any more of this madness!!

...Still here?? Your funeral.

Before I launch into my tirade a little WW update from me....I'm still loving ProPoints!!! Without going into too many details I am suffering from the female affliction this week - hormones all over the place, crying at anything, and all I can think about is fooooooooood. Therefore the 49 extra points have come in very handy for chocolate and other treats! We will have to see how Sunday goes before I offer any solid judgement on the week but so far so good I think!

Now, onto the matter at hand...

Men and women. Ladies and Gentlemen. Boys and girls. Chicks and dicks. Bro's and Ho's.
....I have officially run out of clever things to say.

First and foremost, lets get this out there. I am, by no stretch of the imagination, 'girly'. I have been described, more than once, as a hybrid of the female body and the male ego. I'd like to think I get on with most people, but I always have a better time when I'm with a group that is comprised largely or entirely of guys. Maybe this is because I don't spend the entire time we're out thinking about how fat I am in comparison to them, how nice their hair is or how come I can't get my eye make-up to go how theirs has. When you're with guys there are very few expectations. You're fine, as long as you can keep up with the drinking and you can deal with filthy language. Both of which I can do. Me being comfortable with guys may also come from the fact that I have a brother and several male cousins who were all pretty dominant in my childhood. I was raised around boys, boys are what I know. Maybe its a combination of these two. Or maybe I was just supposed to be born with a willy. Who knows? I sure don't.

Despite me being extremely comfortable around boys, this does not change the fact that I do not understand them at all. This, I believe, is where genetics come into play. I may have been nurtured around a bunch of hooligan lads, but it is in my nature to think like a female. God knows, I've tried to overcome this. Obsessively thinking about a guy, getting jealous when he talks to another girl, the speech you make to yourself (normally in the company of your girlfriends) saying that 'he's not worth it, I can do better, I'm not going to contact him again', then the inevitable text you send to him, first chance you get. Been there, done it, hated myself for it. I think the majority of girls know what I'm on about right now. Some of the boys probably do as well.

What I'm getting at here is this - I think I have a reasonably good understanding of both sexes most of the time. I can relate. I'm comfortable talking to both, I can see it from both perspectives. The majority of the time I see it more from the guys side than the girls. So why is it, every now and again, one of these strange creatures with their dangly sex organs creeps up and completely blindsights me? Are these men genuine exceptions who I will never understand, or are all men really another species? Maybe the majority of the ones that I know and like, the ones who I think I even understand, I don't. Maybe I'm completely missing the point. Maybe the below is true for everyone.

Case in point.
I have a group of male friends. I've known them for a while. At one time or another I have been quite good friends with all of them. Over the last few weeks I would say I have been closer to one in particular - lets call him #2 (with the obvious assumption that the others are #1 and #3). This year they are all living together, and they have new housemates. One of these housemates appears to have taken against me. We'll call him #4. At the beginning of the term #4 and I got on reasonably well. We irritated eachother, but we could be civil and even have a laugh, and I was under the impression that it was #5 who was the token arse of the house (I was even assured by others that this was the case.) This perception of mine has changed over the last week or so, after some quite pleasant time spent in the company of #5, whereas #4 seems to be growing more and more disdainful towards me. This is not me being paranoid, it was even noted by #1 and #3.

You may need to bear with me here. I promise I'm going somewhere with this.

At the weekend #2 and #4 thought it would be funny to tell some of the others a lie about me. Personally I think its quite a big lie, but they seem to think its a joke and I'm taking it the wrong way and that I should, and I quote #4 here, 'get a grip'. They don't understand why I'm upset with them. I am particularly upset with #2, because I thought he was my friend, and I thought he knew better than to say something like this, particularly as he knows how quickly nasty rumours spread. I don't really understand why #4 did it either. If he doesn't like me its fine, but there's no reason to be outright nasty. Its not like I've done anything to him. I will hold my hands up and admit I said some nasty things to/about them when I found out, but that was in anger and totally justified by my overwhelming sense of violation. And the thing that is angering me more than anything isn't that they did it, its that they won't admit that maybe, just maybe, they were a little out of line. It will snow on the hills of Hell before either of them utter the word 'sorry'. 

I've outlined my point is this. Never, and I mean never, would a girl have done this and thought it was acceptable. Never would a girl find this funny, never would it have crossed a girls mind to tell an outrageous lie about a guy, to his friends, and expect him to laugh about it. It just wouldn't have happened. If this had happened, if I had told a group of mutual female friends the same lie about #2 or #4, they would have gone mental and I would be outcast and branded forever more as a liar. They know that as well as I do. So its one rule for the males and another for the females apparently. I just can't figure out whether I'm taking it too seriously or they're not taking it seriously enough. I would never have expected this, particularly from #2. He was one of the aforementioned guys who I counted as a good friend, obviously that was wrong of me. But now I don't know whether these two are the exceptions, or whether all guys are like this. Half of me is expecting every other male friend I have to do something similar. I think men must be from Mars, because I don't think I'm being particularly irrational about this. Or maybe men and women are both from Earth, and I'm from a planet completely my own?

My head hurts.

And of course, on top of all that, it all comes back to weight watchers as well....I can't help but wonder, would this 'joke' have been quite so funny if I was a size 8? I think not.

Lauren xxx

Monday, 22 November 2010

Weekends and Weighing In.

Firstly, lets get down to the most important business of the day - WI. I weighed in yesterday evening, and after a week on the ProPoints plan I had lost......


That's half a stone! In a week! After two massive drinking sessions, one of which was the night before WI! I officially love ProPoints!!!

Needless to say, I was exceptionally happy with that result, I hadn't expected more than 2-3lb and when my lovely leader Angela said 7lb I nearly had an aneurism!! I know realistically a lot of that is due to it being my first week tracking properly in ages and after this week I'll settle into my normal 1.5-2lb a week routine...provided I stick to plan of course. Which I am so going to!

This will be a very very very brief account of my weekend because I'm so tired and stressed out and hormonal its untrue. On Friday I went with my housemate Nat and her friends to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1....its absolutely AMAZING and I loved it!! Definitely have a bit of a Harry Crush, although I always have tbh so there's no shocker there!! Then Saturday we had our house party. Not many people showed up really which was a shame, but I still had a wicked time. Far to much wine was consumed and resulted in me acting like a bear with a sore head all day Sunday! WI Sunday evening temporarily lifted my mood before I came home to a bit of a shock and realised that people I had previously classed as friends really were no such thing. It shouldn't have surprised me, because people have been telling me to lose them for years, but still. Not pleasant. Not with everything else going on at home etc etc blaaaahhhhhh. Eurgh, you can really sense my mood right??

Anyway, I'm going to bed now and HOPEFULLY I will be less bitchy and more talkative tomorrow, when I will update properly (this bitchfest doesn't count!)

Lauren xxx

Thursday, 18 November 2010

Pub Golf

How much do I wish there was a Weight Watchers cat behind the bar last night??? It was a wicked night but I drank insane amounts - a pint of lager, a pint of ale, vodka and diet coke, corona, wine, pint of cider, snakebite, alcopop, tequila, plus more drinks once we got to the pub. I have an idea that it came to about 45 points (EEEEEEK) but I haven't tracked it all properly. Definitely drawing a line under it now and I've been good today so hopefully it won't derail me too much.

Anyway, pub golf. I had an absolutely immense time, it was so much fun. It ended up just being me and the guys for most of the night and although I was dubious at first they were actually hilarious (usual snide remarks and insults but most of them were joking, most of the time. I hope. And the one who wasn't is an idiot.) Pretty poor effort on the golf-attire front, excluding the birthday boys and myself of course! I didn't get any pictures of myself, but even  if I had they wouldn't match these bad boys:

That, my friends, is dedication.

Other than a slight mishap at the end of the night I had a really good time and will definitely be giving pub golf another go (I was actually quite good at it, even though I don't know what 'par' means.) I'm also quite impressed with myself today after aforementioned 'mishap' (I won't go into too many details, suffice it to say I had not counted on a certain person being present) as normally I would have been hungover and in an absolutely rancid mood, which would have invariably resulted in me stuffing my face with shit food for a week and gaining 5lbs. But instead its made me more determined and I've been super good all day! Other than a can of coke. But honestly, I needed the sugar SO much, and it was only 4 points. Better than the 20-odd in a Maccy Ds at least!

There is very little else to report right now, mainly because all I want to do is hide in my room and lick my wounds and try to repair my dented self-respect!

Lauren xxx

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

I Survived.

Hey everyone!!

This is a super quick one from me, just to say I survived my first day on ProPoints!! It wasn't a fantastic day because I overslept, so I had breakfast at lunch time and was absolutely ravenous by dinner time. I also went to the cinema with Natalie and inhaled an entire bag of Maltesers.  A big bag. :O!!!! I still only ended up using 3 of my weekly points but as I have two heavy alcohol nights this week (Wednesday and Saturday) I could have done with them in the bank. Definitely could have been worse though!

I have decided, after taking inspiration from another blogger, to post a link to my formspring ask me anything page on here (please note any stupid or disgusting questions will be deleted!) If there's anything you want to know, feel free to drop me a line :)

I'm going to collapse into bed now, tomorrow is housework and uni work day so I need to be well rested for that!!! (Can you sense my irony here? If you can't then there is something wrong with you.)

Night night!

Lauren xxx

Monday, 15 November 2010


Hey guys! I'm baaaaaaack.

As you can see from my above picture I am back in true Fat Fighters style. I went to the meeting in Chartham and weigh-in was a bit of a shock, but in a good way. I've gained about half a stone, meaning since I started in January I've lost 2.5st. I've picked a goal weight that would put my at a BMI of 23.9, which is towards the upper end of the scale, and it means I have around 5st to lose. Its not particularly ambitious in terms of my BMI range but if I get to goal and want to lose more I have that option. I just don't want to set my goal too low and not get there and end up disheartened. Plus I'm broad shouldered and have wide hips and I don't want to lose too much and end up grossly out of proportion!

Anyway, back to the issue at hand - ProPoints. I now have a daily points allowance of 42 as opposed to 26, plus a weekly allowance of 49 for 'extras' (what I will hereafter refer to the Fun Fund). There is no more saving points over the week, that's what the Fun Fund is for and it can be used however you want - all in one hit, or over a few days, on alcohol, chocolate, eating out, whatever you want. Naturally the value of food has gone up in accordance with the value of points - for example 200g of prawns, used to be 4 points (off the top of my head) and is now 6 ProPoints. Its changed because its based on new science. Whereas points were based on calories and saturated fat, ProPoints are based on protein, carbohydrates, fibre and total fat, and is to do with the rates your body processes each of these in relation to the others...its all a bit faffy and scientific but it makes sense and seems to work, everyone at the class I went to this week had lost. One woman had lost 6.5lb. In a week! I want to know her secrets!

I think it will definitely take some time to get used to because its just an entirely new plan. Its the same as going to Weight Watchers to Slimming World really (don't tell anyone I said that, us Weight Watchers despise Slimming World...) but I think its exactly what I need. I had got so complacent with points on the old system and I just need a complete reboot to get myself back in the game. I'm just going to do an online shop now and make sure all my meals (well, at least dinners) are planned for the week. I'm going to save all my Fun Fund for Saturday night (the house party!) so I don't have to worry about drinks and the inevitable 2am takeaway. 

Before I go, just wanted to post this photo - 

It has absolutely no relevance to Weight Watchers (although this was just after I'd got to my 3st off mark so I was at my smallest I've been for a long time) but look how long my hair was!!! I had forgotten it got that long before I had to have it all chopped off (note to self - do not, I repeat, DO NOT, go a year and a half without a proper haircut, because your split ends will end up reaching your roots!) I'd love to have it this long again and now that its actually in decent condition I can start growing it out properly. Should only take about three years....

I'm off to peruse my new Weight Watchers folder now and try to get to grips with it all. Will post tomorrow to let you know how my first day went :)

Lauren xxx

Sunday, 14 November 2010

New Beginnings.

Hello readers!

First and foremost, you may have noticed that my blog has had a bit of a revamp. This is keeping with the fact that I am starting over. As it is now technically Sunday it is the day of my first weigh-in. I'm going back to meetings and starting over on a brand new plan, and hopefully this will be exactly what I need to give me a kick up the arse and get my weight-loss back on track. I am absolutely shattered now and I'm off to bed, but I will post later this evening to let you know how my first meeting on the ProPoints plan.

Lauren xxx

Thursday, 11 November 2010

I'm Rubbish.

I fail. At life. At uni. At Weight Watchers.

Just at everything, in general.

I have not done the essay, although I am starting to make headway on it now. Well, I understand the question at least. I know university is supposed to be challenging, but should it really be this difficult? I'm beginning to think I made a colossal mistake to be honest. Well, three colossal mistakes. Wrong course, wrong uni, wrong reasons.

I've also been a rubbish fat fighter. Too much curry, cake, alcohol, pizza express and Ben and Jerrys. I've just seen the video of the Weight Watchers fashion show on facebook and its made me feel all inspired to do better (my friend and fellow blogger Hannah is in it - check out her blog!). When I get back to uni on Monday I'm going to do a big healthy shop, plan meals, track religiously and start a proper exercise plan, rather than just doing it as and when I feel like it.

On the bright side (many apologies for being so bloody miserable lately by the way, I will try to be happy soon!) my outfit came from ASOS. It all fits fine and looks very nice so I think I will definitely pass for a night out on the town on Friday - really looking forward to it! While browsing through some websites over the last day or so I have also found a few new items to be added to my A/W wish-list....for example the Blue Velvet Dress and the Black And Ivory Polka Dot Dress from the Beth Ditto At Evans collection. I also have a massive crush on their Lace Studded Ankle Boots. I'm loving the Mesh Panel Leggings from ASOS Curve as well, and their Printed Playsuit although I'm not sure its really me. Gabi from Young Fat And Fabulous (she really is!) rocked it but I don't think I could pull it off!

Anyway, those are some of my current wish-list items. They will remain wish-list until I find the money to buy them (although for those boots I might flash the credit card...we'll see!) I'm off to bed now to revel in dreams of Armie Hammer (hot guy from Social Network - a 6'4 rower is never a bad thing.)


Lauren xxx

Sunday, 7 November 2010

Drama Drama Drama

Two posts in two days, aren't you guys luckkkky??

As usual, I'm here to vent because I'm aggravated. And also a bit tipsy.

Firstly, I'm annoyed at the universe, because I don't think its fair that I've already lost an uncle to CF and two grandads to cancer. I don't see my I should have to have another grandparent going into hospital to have a basal cell carcenoma removed. I know its not life-threatening but I don't see why it needs to happen. Ever. To anyone. Its not fair.

I also don't see why its fair that I'm going to have to go through another, inevitably messy, separation. Looks like one half of my four-person parenting team has called it a day. I have a horrible feeling I'm going to be far more implicated this time than I was last time (I mean, I was 9, for crying out loud, I didn't have a clue what was going on.) Its going to be stressful and upsetting for everyone, and as the oldest of the four of us it falls to me to make sure the other three are ok. Not that I mind doing it, but why should I have to? Plus, they could not have picked a more inconvenient time. One child doing GCSE's, two doing A-Levels, and one half way through a degree? What timing!

I'm also aggravated with myself, because I've used essays as an excuse to stuff my face all week. 'I haven't got time to cook' is such a convenient excuse, and I can see myself falling back into the old trap. Every day I've said 'tomorrow will be better' and every day its exactly the same. Chocolate, crisps, wine, blahhhhhhhh. So unnecessary and it needs to stop before I end up back where I started. I'm so sick of feeling miserable and self-conscious all the time and it damages all the people around me as well because it turns me into an arsehole. I know I've only got myself to blame, which just makes it even more annoying.
It needs to stop!

I'm now home, in Essex, with mum, which is always tricky weight watcher wise. I've had a quick scout (well, hobble, bloody ankle!) round the kitchen and there's nothing too dangerous in there so I'm hoping to stick to low-points throughout the day and then just have a sensible dinner with the family in the evening. Except Wednesday, because I'm going to Pizza Express. And Friday, because we're going for a curry. My palate will thank me. My BMI probably won't.

The other reason I'm annoyed at myself is because I need to stop thinking the worst of people. Old habits die hard and I'm used to always being the butt of the joke (especially where some people are concerned) so now every time something is said I assume its at my expense when its probably not. Its definitely something I need to work on and I feel bad for upsetting people now by jumping to conclusions. Especially people who don't deserve it.

And I'm annoyed at myself because I've wasted the whole weekend doing no essay work as well. Eurgh.

So, I've now decided to set myself a few goals for the week.

  • Eat sensibly. Even if I'm not tracking it all, doesn't mean I can put whatever I want in my mouth.
  • Drink more water.
  • Get into a decent routine with essay work. By this time tomorrow I will have a good, solid essay plan, and by this time Tuesday I'll have at least 500 words done.
  • Be nice. Its something small but I've got a feeling it could be the most important one.
I've also need to cheer up sharpish because its not like I haven't got plenty to look forward to in the next few weeks. We're having a house-party at the end of November and an Ann Summers party first weekend in December which (all being well) should both be really good nights :)

I'm off to chill with a glass of red and a good book now, I have a feeling I'm too riled up to go to sleep just yet!

Lauren xxx

Saturday, 6 November 2010

X Factor and Choclit Cheesecakeeee....Mmmmm

Hello beautiful people!

As promised, some new pictures from my adventures in Canterbury! These were taken on Emma's birthday night out at the works...sadly Emma was not present because she was so ill! Poor lamb!

Natalie, Me, Katie and Catherine.

Me and Natalie :)

Me and Jon, this picture was taken towards the end of the night (obviously) when they put the smoke machine on overdrive. For some reason it really makes me laugh.

I appreciate that none of these are great shots in terms of the neck down/what I'm wearing, but for anyone who is interested I was wearing a black shift dress from New Look (the link is no longer on the website, but it was a steal, £18.99!), black suede wedge boots, also from New Look (again, no link, but they were £24.99) with a denim shirt and a gold necklace from Dorothy Perkins. I'd also just had my hair cut and dyed, groovy false eyelashes and hooker-red nails. Don't scrub up too bad for a fat bird! ;)

Last time I posted, I was battling through my Elizabethan Drama essay. Good news is, I got it finished and submitted. It was definitely not my best work but at least it was finished, I'm hoping it will scrape a 2:2 but we'll have to wait and see. Bad news is, I'm now severely injured! I fell over (like a foooool) on Friday and have done something to my ankle. I was hoping it was just a sprain but it doesn't seem to be getting better so dad is picking me up tomorrow to take me home and then I'm off to Broomfield hospital to have it looked at. Its the same ankle I've broken twice before and I'm praying its not busted again because I really don't want to spend the next two months in a cast up to my knee! Anyway, I've spoken to my seminar leader for the other module and he's offered me a concessionary deadline so I can hand the essay in next week after I've been to the hospital. Means I have an extra day or two to make sure its decent work, which is good.

Anyway, due to the poorly ankle, I have been stuck in all weekend and am currently missing the fireworks. I'm sat in with X Factor and chocolate cheesecake (not so good for Weight Watchers, but I so don't care right now!) The only thing that's keeping me sane right now is the prospect of going home tomorrow and seeing the family. For some reason I've really missed them over the last couple of weeks! (Don't tell them I said that though...)

It should be a good week because its mum and nans birthday on Wednesday so there should be plenty going on. The big night out is on Friday and I've even gone so far as to order a new outfit from ASOS. I've never ordered from there before so I'm hoping the sizes come up ok! I'm actually having a bit of a love affair with ASOS Curve at the moment but I'm going to wait to see how their sizes come up before I do a massive order. I have a feeling they may be too big, especially on top, because their smallest size is a 20 and most of my stuff is a 16 now. Oh well, trial and error it is then!

I'm not really sure what else there is to report at the moment, my life has very much consisted of essays and injuries for the last three days...rubbish! Hopefully I'll have more news and pictures for you over the next few days, plus some pictures as well :)

Lotsa looooveeee

Lauren xxx

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

The Life of a Student...

If I'd known that University was such hard work, I wouldn't have bothered!

I'm currently sat in the library, in the 'silent' section, where people seem to think its acceptable to just not be silent, at all, ever. Morons. I'm just having a little break from essay writing as even though I'm only about 650 words in, its entirely possible that this little bugger is going to kill me. And this is just essay number 1! I'm planning to get this one done today and start the other one tomorrow, meaning I'll have four days to get it written and submitted. Then I have four days before I go home to my mummy for the weekend. Yay!

While I'm here, procrastinating, I must apologise for lack of fat-fightersness this week. I've stayed exactly the same, which is naughty, because I need to lose lose loseee! But somehow eating right and exercising gets exponentially more difficult when you're sat in front of a computer for 12 hours straight.

There is also no exciting news to report elsewhere - what a thrilling life I do lead eh? - but I do have some pictures to upload from Monday. I would do them now, but as I said I'm in the library and they're on my laptop, which is at home, etc.

I think I'm going to be very naughty now and sneak off for a cigarette before I try and write the next couple of hundred words - its just going soooo slowly! :'( And I hate Elizabethan Literature...a lot. Grrrrrr.

On the brightside I get lots of opportunities for people watching while I'm staring vacantly around the library trying to come up with something even vaguely coherent to write about....there are a lot of misconceptions about university students, but there is one stereotype thats bang-on. We really are a bunch of misfits!

Lauren xxx