Tuesday, 6 July 2010

The issue of weighing yourself comes up regularly in Weight Watchers related discussions. Most are of the opinion that weighing yourself is a bad thing, and that you should only be weighed at the same time every week, at your weigh-in. (p.s I WISH my scales said I was 110lbs...)

When I first started Weight Watchers in January it wasn't really an issue for me. I was living in halls and I didn't have any bathroom scales, so the only time I had the opportunity to weigh myself was if I went to the Boots that was in Canterbury town centre. Even if I went into town I didn't bother most of the time.

Since I've been home for the summer though, thats all changed. The scales are in my room. Actually IN my bedroom, right next to the bed. Thats where they're kept. I can literally step out of bed and onto the fancy electronic scales that tell me my weight to within a tenth of a pound. I thought this would end up being a massive disadvantage to me, but where I differ from most of the other people I know who are doing Weight Watchers (including my mother, who stubbornly refuses to go near the damn things, hence them being banished to my room) is that I find weighing myself a really good motivator. It interests me to know how my weight changes from the morning to the evening, with or without clothes on, etc. And rather than getting deterred when the scales don't show me what I'd like to see, I get this stubborn little determination inside me that says 'Screw you. I AM going to lose this week' which results in me tracking, planning and exercising more for the rest of the week, which does then result in a loss! The only disadvantage is that I no longer get the excited/apprehensive feeling come weigh-in day, but I can live without that!

This whole revelation got me thinking about other things that motivate me. Sometime I feel like I lose sight of the ultimate goal, and that I'm plodding along trying to do this and I don't really have any idea why. So I thought I'd write some of my motivating factors on here so if ever there comes a time when I'm sick of saying 'no' to chocolate, biscuits, takeaways and god knows what else, I can look back and remember why I'm doing it.

  • AMERICA! I will be spending the third year of my degree in the states, and there is NO way I'm going out there as the fat, spotty, awkward English girl who is always saying the wrong thing. No, I'm going out there as the slender, attractive English girl who is always saying the wrong thing.
  • Confidence. This is a big thing for me, as it is for everybody who is trying to lose weight or change the way they look. I don't like going out, I don't like meeting new people because .I'm scared of what they'll think about me. When I get to goal, I know that I will be able to go out with my head held high because although it still won't be perfect, I'll be proud of my body and of what I've accomplished.
  • Clothes... This is incredibly shallow, but what I wouldn't give to be able to buy nice clothes, that fit properly and look good. You can't follow fashion properly when you're fat, its just not possible. And its not fair - I LOVE clothes! Size ten girls really do get all the fun.
  • Health. Quite low down the list considering how bloody important it is! I want to be healthy. I've taken huge steps to get more healthy already but I want to have a healthy BMI and an appropriate level of fitness for my age.
  • The Summerrrrr. This is gross, but true. Fat girls do not fare well in the heat. After the last few weeks of crazily hot weather I'm thanking sweet Jesus that I'm almost 3st lighter than I was at the beginning of the year, otherwise I'm pretty sure they'd have been carrying me off the train every day in a coffin. Yuck.
  • People. When I say people, I mean the relationships I form with them. I've never felt comfortable in my own skin, not ever. Even when I was a lot slimmer than I am now. Something just always wasn't right about me. I always felt awkward and I've never been able to really be myself. This has got worse as the weight has gone on, I've been more depressed and isolated myself. One day, when I'm comfortable and happy with how I look I can begin to form proper relationships again. At the moment I struggle with that a lot - the way I see it, if I don't like myself then how can I expect other people to like me? Its true that this one has a lot more to do with me as person rather than my size, but my size at the moment is the main thing I don't like. Once I've overcome that, I can work on the rest.
Ok, this has turned into a mammoth post but I'm glad I got it all out there. These are the things that motivate me, and now they're all down on paper I'm feeling super-hyped about it. So much so, that I'm going to go make a nice Weight Watchers curry for my dinner and I'm going to go for a jog later. Here's to see 16 something on the scales this week! :)

Lauren xx

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