Tuesday, 13 July 2010

Comings and Goings

I may have jumped the gun when I complained about the weather this morning. Turns out rain = a quiet day at work, which is never bad. In case I haven't mentioned it, I work at the Tower of London during the holidays and as one of the biggest tourist attractions in the city it gets pretty busy from June through til September.

Anyway, today wasn't too bad thankfully, busy enough to past the time but not busy enough to induce any stress, so happy days indeed :)

I am, however, feeling a bit overwhelmed with the other aspects of my life atm. Before Weight Watchers, my size wasn't something I ever discussed. I hadn't weighed myself for over a year, I always went clothes shopping alone so nobody saw what size I had to buy. The only person who ever mentioned it was my mum and even then I'd bite her head off! Since starting Weight Watchers though, I have become very open about it. Everybody in my life knows I'm doing Weight Watchers and I'm happy to answer any questions. There are quite a few people who know what I weigh (potentially the whole world in fact, as I've posted it on here...eeeeek!) so its not like the actual number is a closely guarded secret either.

Anyway, my point...understandably opening up about such a personal thing to so many people has been very difficult for me, and has made me feel incredibly vulnerable. Especially over the last few weeks as I have had to explain it to a whole host of new people at work. They're all great about it, but its still quite scary as I never know how people will react. Then, amidst all the uncertainty and vulnerability created by this situation walks somebody who I thought I had said goodbye to a long time ago. Part of me is glad we're talking again, even though it is about trivial things that don't really matter to either of us - we never discuss the big stuff. The other part of me, however, knows I should be running for the hills. This person has caused me untold heartache over the years and I know that I should hate them and want nothing to do with them. But I'd love to be able to look back on my life one day and say 'yeah, we had a few crap years, but we came out of it as friends'. We were incredibly close once, and knew almost everything about each other. I think the tiny romantic part of my brain believes that a bond like that never goes away.

The rational part of my brain is telling me to stop being a dick.

This post has not been very Weight Watchers related, and is once more a sort of thinking-out-loud post...just to make myself feel slightly less guilty about talking utter crap (again), I think I should tell you that I'm so far resting on about 15pts for the day, and I have a yummy 8pt chicken stir-fry for tea. I even treated myself to a Mocha Lite Frappuchino from Starbucks this morning, which was yummy. I definitely love Weight Watchers atm.

Only two days to WI, lets see if I'm still singing the same song come Thursday....

Lauren xxx

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