Sunday, 12 December 2010

Step Away From The Chocolate.

Hey readers! I've just noticed that my numbers have crept up to 10 - double figures, ooooh. I know its not much and I'm hardly changing the world, but I truly appreciate you reading my (for the most part) non-sensical (is that even a word?!) ramblings! So thanks :)

I would like to apologise for lack of posts recently, its been a bit of a hectic few days. There have been a few things over the last week or so that have resulted in me being a very smiley girl this evening. Firstly I bumped into a guy I'd met at the beginning of term last weekend, he took my number and we went for drinks this week. It was a really nice evening and he's a lovely guy but I don't know if it will go further. I am in for massive judgement here from all (and rightly so) because part of me is put off by the fact that he's a bit of a leftie - and even more so by the fact that he was on the anti-cuts protests the other week. In all fairness if we'd really clicked and had the fireworks and the sparks and everything I'd be prepared to overlook the politics, but at the moment I don't quite like him enough to justify that. We'll see how it goes.

The other thing thats put a grin on my face is spending last night with two of my favourite girls from back home, Katy and Caitlan. We had a wicked night consisting of vodka, X Factor, miniature-based foods and slightly offensive amounts of chocolate! Can't remember the last time I laughed so much, it was well overdue and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing them and just giggling over nothing, for example my likeness to a sausage whilst in my sleeping bag:

I don't care what anyone says, I think its very fetching!
After our evening of silliness we decided to go for a Spoons roast dinner this afternoon. Taking that into account as well as the chocolate, crisps, mini-foods and alcohol I reckon I've consumed about three weeks worth of calories in 24 hours.

The other thing thats made me VERY happy is this little beauty has just won the X Factor 2010!!

Absolutely loving his winners single (cover of Biffys 'When We Collide' - gorgeous!) but not as much as I'm loving his First Time Ever I Saw Your Face or Knights In White Satin. I do hope those links work by the way, I'm too technologically stupid to know how to embed videos, I'm going to ask my housemate Natalie how to though. Incidentally, you can check out her blog here - I'm very impressed already. Anyway, back to Matt - he's brought some X Factor glory back to Essex and is definitely the deserving winner. The other contestants were very talented but he's struggled for ages so I think he totally deserves it :) Plus he's gorgeous. There is actually only one other man who I find more attractive than him right now, and THAT is saying something.

There's now only one week of term left and there is definitely a sense of panic in the air over deadlines and exams. I have two essays due in on Friday, one of which I'm hoping to get done and dusted tomorrow, and then I am eagerly awaiting a very messy last night of term. I have a not-so-subtle plan that I'm going to put into action that night, with my reasoning being that if it blows up in my face I can a) blame the booze and b) hide at my mothers for a month licking my wounds before I have to take any responsibility. Coward? Me? Never. 

I am also hoping that at some point over the next few weeks I will be able to get my head back in the weight watchers game, otherwise Christmas is going to be a very tricky time. Well, any time spent at my mothers house is tricky, but when she has full license to fill the house with food and booze its going to be a mare. To the extreme!

I'm off for bath and bed now so I can get up (reasonably) early and get to the library. Happy days! 

Lauren :) xxx

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Snow Day #2

Hey everyone!

Well it's still snowing in Kent! We have about a foot here in Canterbury, but other parts have more. The picture above is one I took of the park on our road when I went down to the shops for supplies (chocolate, biscuits, crisps, dips, and cornflakes so me and Natalie could make chocolate cornflake cakey things...needless to say Weight Watchers is not high on my list of priorities today!) Other than that I haven't done an awful lot today. Except a brief play in the garden:

(Natalie thought it'd be a good idea to go out in the snow in shorts and a t-shirt. Foolish girl!)

Work has once more fallen by the wayside in favour of watching crap tv and playing around with the computer. Its beginning to become a habit!

Given that I've hardly left the house in three days there isn't an awful lot to report. OH the World Cup 2018 and 2022 hosts got announced today, Russia is hosting 2018 and Qatar got 2022. Needless to say there are a lot of disgruntled Britons right now, but I kind of think its a good thing. We've already got the Olympics the year after next, what more do these people want?! Don't get me wrong, it would have been amazing, but its not the end of the world!

I've also figured out what I'm going to do next year in regards to studying. If I get my place in America then I'll be off like a shot, but if for whatever reason I don't get a place then I'm going to move home and commute to uni. Its not ideal, but I don't want to end up living with strangers again next year. It was bad enough getting ditched this year, luckily I landed on my feet and got decent housemates, I might not be so lucky two years in a row!

Off to veg out on the sofa some more now!

Lauren xxx

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Snow Day

So, it is officially December, and the universe seems to have celebrated by emptying a load of horrid white stuff all over Britain!!

The above is a photo of my Dads back garden that I stole from my sisters Facebook. They've got over a foot there but here in Canterbury we only have a few inches. I will take the opportunity to say now that I am extremely accident prone and therefore am avoiding leaving the house at all costs, for fear of falling over and breaking my leg/arm/neck (if anyone could do it, it'd be me...)

Unfortunately the weather means that the Wednesday morning meeting I had been planning to attend was cancelled and so I couldn't weigh in. I've just had a sneaky look on my scales and they seem to think I've lost another 1lb, fantastic news! I don't know how accurate they are in relation to the Weight Watchers scales, but its going in the right direction at least!!

I'm also feeling better over the last couple of days than I have for a few weeks (despite a horrifying headache yesterday morning). I've felt really run down for ages but I'm starting to get some energy back, I think a lot of that is eating properly. I just need to step up the exercise now but I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to manage that for the time-being!

Like I said, I'm avoiding leaving the house at all costs until the weather has cleared up, so I've been doing all my reading at home. And by that I mean I've been neglecting my reading and listening to the script and the fray on spotify, and re-reading Harry Potter instead. Bad times. I really must do some work now!!

Lauren xxx

Sunday, 28 November 2010

'After all, life is too short to be anything but happy.'

I stumbled across the above on a blog I read every now and again, and it struck home. Particularly the last part. I know I tend to focus too much on the negative things that happen in life, I think maybe its a family thing. I've been going through one of my depressive phases over the last couple of weeks which is not helped by my natural pessimism, but I can feel myself perking up as we speak and I'm going to try to be more positive about things from now on. Because moaning won't fix anything. 

You may have noticed its Sunday and I'm not reporting on weigh-in...its because I didn't go. Dad and George came down today, took me to Sainsburys and then for fish and chips in Herne Bay and we walked around and had a walk round Whitstable as well. It was SO cold and by the time I got home I didn't fancy walking to the train station in the freezing cold again just to be told I've put on 1lb (yes yes yes, I weighed myself at home, I'm a bad fat fighter.) And that 1lb is before the huge portion of fish and chips. Eeeeek. I'm actually thinking of changing my meeting to one on Wednesday morning. The one I go to at the moment is a train ride away and its cold and dark and just not convenient. I'm going to go to the Wednesday one this week and see what I think first before I make any decisions though. Will keep you posted!

Other than my day with the family today I've had a very low-key weekend. Lots of reading and watching films and chilling out. And sleeping off my bad mood. I've got a meeting with my seminar leader at 9.15am (!!!!) tomorrow to discuss my next essay, then a day in the library before my lecture and seminar between 3 and 6. Happy days! Plan to be properly back on the wagon from tomorrow, I'm even taking a packed lunch with me so I'm not seduced by the library cafe! That, my friends, is forward planning.

I'm off now, many apologies for the boring update this evening...I lead a boring life, what can I say!? Ahh the perils of being a poor student....:'(

For now, I will leave you with these gems...

Enjoy your evening all!

Lauren xxx

Thursday, 25 November 2010

Men Are From Mars...Or Are Women From Venus???

Hey guys. Apologies in advance for the oncoming rant (gender specific, as you had probably already assumed), I feel it is only right to forewarn you of these things so you can leave this blog, go now before you are subjected to any more of this madness!!

...Still here?? Your funeral.

Before I launch into my tirade a little WW update from me....I'm still loving ProPoints!!! Without going into too many details I am suffering from the female affliction this week - hormones all over the place, crying at anything, and all I can think about is fooooooooood. Therefore the 49 extra points have come in very handy for chocolate and other treats! We will have to see how Sunday goes before I offer any solid judgement on the week but so far so good I think!

Now, onto the matter at hand...

Men and women. Ladies and Gentlemen. Boys and girls. Chicks and dicks. Bro's and Ho's.
....I have officially run out of clever things to say.

First and foremost, lets get this out there. I am, by no stretch of the imagination, 'girly'. I have been described, more than once, as a hybrid of the female body and the male ego. I'd like to think I get on with most people, but I always have a better time when I'm with a group that is comprised largely or entirely of guys. Maybe this is because I don't spend the entire time we're out thinking about how fat I am in comparison to them, how nice their hair is or how come I can't get my eye make-up to go how theirs has. When you're with guys there are very few expectations. You're fine, as long as you can keep up with the drinking and you can deal with filthy language. Both of which I can do. Me being comfortable with guys may also come from the fact that I have a brother and several male cousins who were all pretty dominant in my childhood. I was raised around boys, boys are what I know. Maybe its a combination of these two. Or maybe I was just supposed to be born with a willy. Who knows? I sure don't.

Despite me being extremely comfortable around boys, this does not change the fact that I do not understand them at all. This, I believe, is where genetics come into play. I may have been nurtured around a bunch of hooligan lads, but it is in my nature to think like a female. God knows, I've tried to overcome this. Obsessively thinking about a guy, getting jealous when he talks to another girl, the speech you make to yourself (normally in the company of your girlfriends) saying that 'he's not worth it, I can do better, I'm not going to contact him again', then the inevitable text you send to him, first chance you get. Been there, done it, hated myself for it. I think the majority of girls know what I'm on about right now. Some of the boys probably do as well.

What I'm getting at here is this - I think I have a reasonably good understanding of both sexes most of the time. I can relate. I'm comfortable talking to both, I can see it from both perspectives. The majority of the time I see it more from the guys side than the girls. So why is it, every now and again, one of these strange creatures with their dangly sex organs creeps up and completely blindsights me? Are these men genuine exceptions who I will never understand, or are all men really another species? Maybe the majority of the ones that I know and like, the ones who I think I even understand, I don't. Maybe I'm completely missing the point. Maybe the below is true for everyone.

Case in point.
I have a group of male friends. I've known them for a while. At one time or another I have been quite good friends with all of them. Over the last few weeks I would say I have been closer to one in particular - lets call him #2 (with the obvious assumption that the others are #1 and #3). This year they are all living together, and they have new housemates. One of these housemates appears to have taken against me. We'll call him #4. At the beginning of the term #4 and I got on reasonably well. We irritated eachother, but we could be civil and even have a laugh, and I was under the impression that it was #5 who was the token arse of the house (I was even assured by others that this was the case.) This perception of mine has changed over the last week or so, after some quite pleasant time spent in the company of #5, whereas #4 seems to be growing more and more disdainful towards me. This is not me being paranoid, it was even noted by #1 and #3.

You may need to bear with me here. I promise I'm going somewhere with this.

At the weekend #2 and #4 thought it would be funny to tell some of the others a lie about me. Personally I think its quite a big lie, but they seem to think its a joke and I'm taking it the wrong way and that I should, and I quote #4 here, 'get a grip'. They don't understand why I'm upset with them. I am particularly upset with #2, because I thought he was my friend, and I thought he knew better than to say something like this, particularly as he knows how quickly nasty rumours spread. I don't really understand why #4 did it either. If he doesn't like me its fine, but there's no reason to be outright nasty. Its not like I've done anything to him. I will hold my hands up and admit I said some nasty things to/about them when I found out, but that was in anger and totally justified by my overwhelming sense of violation. And the thing that is angering me more than anything isn't that they did it, its that they won't admit that maybe, just maybe, they were a little out of line. It will snow on the hills of Hell before either of them utter the word 'sorry'. 

I've outlined my point is this. Never, and I mean never, would a girl have done this and thought it was acceptable. Never would a girl find this funny, never would it have crossed a girls mind to tell an outrageous lie about a guy, to his friends, and expect him to laugh about it. It just wouldn't have happened. If this had happened, if I had told a group of mutual female friends the same lie about #2 or #4, they would have gone mental and I would be outcast and branded forever more as a liar. They know that as well as I do. So its one rule for the males and another for the females apparently. I just can't figure out whether I'm taking it too seriously or they're not taking it seriously enough. I would never have expected this, particularly from #2. He was one of the aforementioned guys who I counted as a good friend, obviously that was wrong of me. But now I don't know whether these two are the exceptions, or whether all guys are like this. Half of me is expecting every other male friend I have to do something similar. I think men must be from Mars, because I don't think I'm being particularly irrational about this. Or maybe men and women are both from Earth, and I'm from a planet completely my own?

My head hurts.

And of course, on top of all that, it all comes back to weight watchers as well....I can't help but wonder, would this 'joke' have been quite so funny if I was a size 8? I think not.

Lauren xxx

Monday, 22 November 2010

Weekends and Weighing In.

Firstly, lets get down to the most important business of the day - WI. I weighed in yesterday evening, and after a week on the ProPoints plan I had lost......


That's half a stone! In a week! After two massive drinking sessions, one of which was the night before WI! I officially love ProPoints!!!

Needless to say, I was exceptionally happy with that result, I hadn't expected more than 2-3lb and when my lovely leader Angela said 7lb I nearly had an aneurism!! I know realistically a lot of that is due to it being my first week tracking properly in ages and after this week I'll settle into my normal 1.5-2lb a week routine...provided I stick to plan of course. Which I am so going to!

This will be a very very very brief account of my weekend because I'm so tired and stressed out and hormonal its untrue. On Friday I went with my housemate Nat and her friends to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1....its absolutely AMAZING and I loved it!! Definitely have a bit of a Harry Crush, although I always have tbh so there's no shocker there!! Then Saturday we had our house party. Not many people showed up really which was a shame, but I still had a wicked time. Far to much wine was consumed and resulted in me acting like a bear with a sore head all day Sunday! WI Sunday evening temporarily lifted my mood before I came home to a bit of a shock and realised that people I had previously classed as friends really were no such thing. It shouldn't have surprised me, because people have been telling me to lose them for years, but still. Not pleasant. Not with everything else going on at home etc etc blaaaahhhhhh. Eurgh, you can really sense my mood right??

Anyway, I'm going to bed now and HOPEFULLY I will be less bitchy and more talkative tomorrow, when I will update properly (this bitchfest doesn't count!)

Lauren xxx

Thursday, 18 November 2010

Pub Golf

How much do I wish there was a Weight Watchers cat behind the bar last night??? It was a wicked night but I drank insane amounts - a pint of lager, a pint of ale, vodka and diet coke, corona, wine, pint of cider, snakebite, alcopop, tequila, plus more drinks once we got to the pub. I have an idea that it came to about 45 points (EEEEEEK) but I haven't tracked it all properly. Definitely drawing a line under it now and I've been good today so hopefully it won't derail me too much.

Anyway, pub golf. I had an absolutely immense time, it was so much fun. It ended up just being me and the guys for most of the night and although I was dubious at first they were actually hilarious (usual snide remarks and insults but most of them were joking, most of the time. I hope. And the one who wasn't is an idiot.) Pretty poor effort on the golf-attire front, excluding the birthday boys and myself of course! I didn't get any pictures of myself, but even  if I had they wouldn't match these bad boys:

That, my friends, is dedication.

Other than a slight mishap at the end of the night I had a really good time and will definitely be giving pub golf another go (I was actually quite good at it, even though I don't know what 'par' means.) I'm also quite impressed with myself today after aforementioned 'mishap' (I won't go into too many details, suffice it to say I had not counted on a certain person being present) as normally I would have been hungover and in an absolutely rancid mood, which would have invariably resulted in me stuffing my face with shit food for a week and gaining 5lbs. But instead its made me more determined and I've been super good all day! Other than a can of coke. But honestly, I needed the sugar SO much, and it was only 4 points. Better than the 20-odd in a Maccy Ds at least!

There is very little else to report right now, mainly because all I want to do is hide in my room and lick my wounds and try to repair my dented self-respect!

Lauren xxx

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

I Survived.

Hey everyone!!

This is a super quick one from me, just to say I survived my first day on ProPoints!! It wasn't a fantastic day because I overslept, so I had breakfast at lunch time and was absolutely ravenous by dinner time. I also went to the cinema with Natalie and inhaled an entire bag of Maltesers.  A big bag. :O!!!! I still only ended up using 3 of my weekly points but as I have two heavy alcohol nights this week (Wednesday and Saturday) I could have done with them in the bank. Definitely could have been worse though!

I have decided, after taking inspiration from another blogger, to post a link to my formspring ask me anything page on here (please note any stupid or disgusting questions will be deleted!) If there's anything you want to know, feel free to drop me a line :)

I'm going to collapse into bed now, tomorrow is housework and uni work day so I need to be well rested for that!!! (Can you sense my irony here? If you can't then there is something wrong with you.)

Night night!

Lauren xxx

Monday, 15 November 2010


Hey guys! I'm baaaaaaack.

As you can see from my above picture I am back in true Fat Fighters style. I went to the meeting in Chartham and weigh-in was a bit of a shock, but in a good way. I've gained about half a stone, meaning since I started in January I've lost 2.5st. I've picked a goal weight that would put my at a BMI of 23.9, which is towards the upper end of the scale, and it means I have around 5st to lose. Its not particularly ambitious in terms of my BMI range but if I get to goal and want to lose more I have that option. I just don't want to set my goal too low and not get there and end up disheartened. Plus I'm broad shouldered and have wide hips and I don't want to lose too much and end up grossly out of proportion!

Anyway, back to the issue at hand - ProPoints. I now have a daily points allowance of 42 as opposed to 26, plus a weekly allowance of 49 for 'extras' (what I will hereafter refer to the Fun Fund). There is no more saving points over the week, that's what the Fun Fund is for and it can be used however you want - all in one hit, or over a few days, on alcohol, chocolate, eating out, whatever you want. Naturally the value of food has gone up in accordance with the value of points - for example 200g of prawns, used to be 4 points (off the top of my head) and is now 6 ProPoints. Its changed because its based on new science. Whereas points were based on calories and saturated fat, ProPoints are based on protein, carbohydrates, fibre and total fat, and is to do with the rates your body processes each of these in relation to the others...its all a bit faffy and scientific but it makes sense and seems to work, everyone at the class I went to this week had lost. One woman had lost 6.5lb. In a week! I want to know her secrets!

I think it will definitely take some time to get used to because its just an entirely new plan. Its the same as going to Weight Watchers to Slimming World really (don't tell anyone I said that, us Weight Watchers despise Slimming World...) but I think its exactly what I need. I had got so complacent with points on the old system and I just need a complete reboot to get myself back in the game. I'm just going to do an online shop now and make sure all my meals (well, at least dinners) are planned for the week. I'm going to save all my Fun Fund for Saturday night (the house party!) so I don't have to worry about drinks and the inevitable 2am takeaway. 

Before I go, just wanted to post this photo - 

It has absolutely no relevance to Weight Watchers (although this was just after I'd got to my 3st off mark so I was at my smallest I've been for a long time) but look how long my hair was!!! I had forgotten it got that long before I had to have it all chopped off (note to self - do not, I repeat, DO NOT, go a year and a half without a proper haircut, because your split ends will end up reaching your roots!) I'd love to have it this long again and now that its actually in decent condition I can start growing it out properly. Should only take about three years....

I'm off to peruse my new Weight Watchers folder now and try to get to grips with it all. Will post tomorrow to let you know how my first day went :)

Lauren xxx

Sunday, 14 November 2010

New Beginnings.

Hello readers!

First and foremost, you may have noticed that my blog has had a bit of a revamp. This is keeping with the fact that I am starting over. As it is now technically Sunday it is the day of my first weigh-in. I'm going back to meetings and starting over on a brand new plan, and hopefully this will be exactly what I need to give me a kick up the arse and get my weight-loss back on track. I am absolutely shattered now and I'm off to bed, but I will post later this evening to let you know how my first meeting on the ProPoints plan.

Lauren xxx

Thursday, 11 November 2010

I'm Rubbish.

I fail. At life. At uni. At Weight Watchers.

Just at everything, in general.

I have not done the essay, although I am starting to make headway on it now. Well, I understand the question at least. I know university is supposed to be challenging, but should it really be this difficult? I'm beginning to think I made a colossal mistake to be honest. Well, three colossal mistakes. Wrong course, wrong uni, wrong reasons.

I've also been a rubbish fat fighter. Too much curry, cake, alcohol, pizza express and Ben and Jerrys. I've just seen the video of the Weight Watchers fashion show on facebook and its made me feel all inspired to do better (my friend and fellow blogger Hannah is in it - check out her blog!). When I get back to uni on Monday I'm going to do a big healthy shop, plan meals, track religiously and start a proper exercise plan, rather than just doing it as and when I feel like it.

On the bright side (many apologies for being so bloody miserable lately by the way, I will try to be happy soon!) my outfit came from ASOS. It all fits fine and looks very nice so I think I will definitely pass for a night out on the town on Friday - really looking forward to it! While browsing through some websites over the last day or so I have also found a few new items to be added to my A/W wish-list....for example the Blue Velvet Dress and the Black And Ivory Polka Dot Dress from the Beth Ditto At Evans collection. I also have a massive crush on their Lace Studded Ankle Boots. I'm loving the Mesh Panel Leggings from ASOS Curve as well, and their Printed Playsuit although I'm not sure its really me. Gabi from Young Fat And Fabulous (she really is!) rocked it but I don't think I could pull it off!

Anyway, those are some of my current wish-list items. They will remain wish-list until I find the money to buy them (although for those boots I might flash the credit card...we'll see!) I'm off to bed now to revel in dreams of Armie Hammer (hot guy from Social Network - a 6'4 rower is never a bad thing.)


Lauren xxx

Sunday, 7 November 2010

Drama Drama Drama

Two posts in two days, aren't you guys luckkkky??

As usual, I'm here to vent because I'm aggravated. And also a bit tipsy.

Firstly, I'm annoyed at the universe, because I don't think its fair that I've already lost an uncle to CF and two grandads to cancer. I don't see my I should have to have another grandparent going into hospital to have a basal cell carcenoma removed. I know its not life-threatening but I don't see why it needs to happen. Ever. To anyone. Its not fair.

I also don't see why its fair that I'm going to have to go through another, inevitably messy, separation. Looks like one half of my four-person parenting team has called it a day. I have a horrible feeling I'm going to be far more implicated this time than I was last time (I mean, I was 9, for crying out loud, I didn't have a clue what was going on.) Its going to be stressful and upsetting for everyone, and as the oldest of the four of us it falls to me to make sure the other three are ok. Not that I mind doing it, but why should I have to? Plus, they could not have picked a more inconvenient time. One child doing GCSE's, two doing A-Levels, and one half way through a degree? What timing!

I'm also aggravated with myself, because I've used essays as an excuse to stuff my face all week. 'I haven't got time to cook' is such a convenient excuse, and I can see myself falling back into the old trap. Every day I've said 'tomorrow will be better' and every day its exactly the same. Chocolate, crisps, wine, blahhhhhhhh. So unnecessary and it needs to stop before I end up back where I started. I'm so sick of feeling miserable and self-conscious all the time and it damages all the people around me as well because it turns me into an arsehole. I know I've only got myself to blame, which just makes it even more annoying.
It needs to stop!

I'm now home, in Essex, with mum, which is always tricky weight watcher wise. I've had a quick scout (well, hobble, bloody ankle!) round the kitchen and there's nothing too dangerous in there so I'm hoping to stick to low-points throughout the day and then just have a sensible dinner with the family in the evening. Except Wednesday, because I'm going to Pizza Express. And Friday, because we're going for a curry. My palate will thank me. My BMI probably won't.

The other reason I'm annoyed at myself is because I need to stop thinking the worst of people. Old habits die hard and I'm used to always being the butt of the joke (especially where some people are concerned) so now every time something is said I assume its at my expense when its probably not. Its definitely something I need to work on and I feel bad for upsetting people now by jumping to conclusions. Especially people who don't deserve it.

And I'm annoyed at myself because I've wasted the whole weekend doing no essay work as well. Eurgh.

So, I've now decided to set myself a few goals for the week.

  • Eat sensibly. Even if I'm not tracking it all, doesn't mean I can put whatever I want in my mouth.
  • Drink more water.
  • Get into a decent routine with essay work. By this time tomorrow I will have a good, solid essay plan, and by this time Tuesday I'll have at least 500 words done.
  • Be nice. Its something small but I've got a feeling it could be the most important one.
I've also need to cheer up sharpish because its not like I haven't got plenty to look forward to in the next few weeks. We're having a house-party at the end of November and an Ann Summers party first weekend in December which (all being well) should both be really good nights :)

I'm off to chill with a glass of red and a good book now, I have a feeling I'm too riled up to go to sleep just yet!

Lauren xxx

Saturday, 6 November 2010

X Factor and Choclit Cheesecakeeee....Mmmmm

Hello beautiful people!

As promised, some new pictures from my adventures in Canterbury! These were taken on Emma's birthday night out at the works...sadly Emma was not present because she was so ill! Poor lamb!

Natalie, Me, Katie and Catherine.

Me and Natalie :)

Me and Jon, this picture was taken towards the end of the night (obviously) when they put the smoke machine on overdrive. For some reason it really makes me laugh.

I appreciate that none of these are great shots in terms of the neck down/what I'm wearing, but for anyone who is interested I was wearing a black shift dress from New Look (the link is no longer on the website, but it was a steal, £18.99!), black suede wedge boots, also from New Look (again, no link, but they were £24.99) with a denim shirt and a gold necklace from Dorothy Perkins. I'd also just had my hair cut and dyed, groovy false eyelashes and hooker-red nails. Don't scrub up too bad for a fat bird! ;)

Last time I posted, I was battling through my Elizabethan Drama essay. Good news is, I got it finished and submitted. It was definitely not my best work but at least it was finished, I'm hoping it will scrape a 2:2 but we'll have to wait and see. Bad news is, I'm now severely injured! I fell over (like a foooool) on Friday and have done something to my ankle. I was hoping it was just a sprain but it doesn't seem to be getting better so dad is picking me up tomorrow to take me home and then I'm off to Broomfield hospital to have it looked at. Its the same ankle I've broken twice before and I'm praying its not busted again because I really don't want to spend the next two months in a cast up to my knee! Anyway, I've spoken to my seminar leader for the other module and he's offered me a concessionary deadline so I can hand the essay in next week after I've been to the hospital. Means I have an extra day or two to make sure its decent work, which is good.

Anyway, due to the poorly ankle, I have been stuck in all weekend and am currently missing the fireworks. I'm sat in with X Factor and chocolate cheesecake (not so good for Weight Watchers, but I so don't care right now!) The only thing that's keeping me sane right now is the prospect of going home tomorrow and seeing the family. For some reason I've really missed them over the last couple of weeks! (Don't tell them I said that though...)

It should be a good week because its mum and nans birthday on Wednesday so there should be plenty going on. The big night out is on Friday and I've even gone so far as to order a new outfit from ASOS. I've never ordered from there before so I'm hoping the sizes come up ok! I'm actually having a bit of a love affair with ASOS Curve at the moment but I'm going to wait to see how their sizes come up before I do a massive order. I have a feeling they may be too big, especially on top, because their smallest size is a 20 and most of my stuff is a 16 now. Oh well, trial and error it is then!

I'm not really sure what else there is to report at the moment, my life has very much consisted of essays and injuries for the last three days...rubbish! Hopefully I'll have more news and pictures for you over the next few days, plus some pictures as well :)

Lotsa looooveeee

Lauren xxx

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

The Life of a Student...

If I'd known that University was such hard work, I wouldn't have bothered!

I'm currently sat in the library, in the 'silent' section, where people seem to think its acceptable to just not be silent, at all, ever. Morons. I'm just having a little break from essay writing as even though I'm only about 650 words in, its entirely possible that this little bugger is going to kill me. And this is just essay number 1! I'm planning to get this one done today and start the other one tomorrow, meaning I'll have four days to get it written and submitted. Then I have four days before I go home to my mummy for the weekend. Yay!

While I'm here, procrastinating, I must apologise for lack of fat-fightersness this week. I've stayed exactly the same, which is naughty, because I need to lose lose loseee! But somehow eating right and exercising gets exponentially more difficult when you're sat in front of a computer for 12 hours straight.

There is also no exciting news to report elsewhere - what a thrilling life I do lead eh? - but I do have some pictures to upload from Monday. I would do them now, but as I said I'm in the library and they're on my laptop, which is at home, etc.

I think I'm going to be very naughty now and sneak off for a cigarette before I try and write the next couple of hundred words - its just going soooo slowly! :'( And I hate Elizabethan Literature...a lot. Grrrrrr.

On the brightside I get lots of opportunities for people watching while I'm staring vacantly around the library trying to come up with something even vaguely coherent to write about....there are a lot of misconceptions about university students, but there is one stereotype thats bang-on. We really are a bunch of misfits!

Lauren xxx

Thursday, 28 October 2010

Bit Of Only Fools...

Ok. You're going to laugh. Which I can't say I blame you for, because it is funny.

I think my hair is falling out!!!

Not like proper falling out you understand, not in clumps, but like...shedding. I feel like a bunny rabbit who is losing her winter coat. Except that I'm losing my summer hair??? It makes no bloody sense! I had it all cut off on Tuesday, there is nothing left of it! All the ratty split ends are gone, but its still coming out in my hands. And don't even talk to me about brushing it, its a nightmare! Eurgh. EURGH EURGH EURGH. I think its because I'm stressed. Because I am so stressed. Can you tell???

Now that my hairy little problem is out in the open, I can move on. This is going to be another boring rambly internal monologue post I'm afraid. Food wise this week hasn't been great, so weighing in tomorrow should be interesting. I don't think I've gone massively over, but I haven't tracked and that is always a recipe for disaster. Plus as we speak I'm sitting here munching on a bowl of pop-corn, which isn't helping. It hasn't got sugar on it...but still. Not really the point. Having said that, I've had a bit of a film night tonight and you can't have one of those without munchies so I think I'm justified! I watched the new Robin Hood with Emma...Russell Crowe is uh-mazing. Why can't all men look like that? He's massive! And all beardy and rugged. Mmmmmm. Just so I don't sound like a total swooning girl, can I just say the film is wicked as well! Now me and Natalie are watching the first Harry Potter film...I'm so loving little Radcliffe, Grint and Watson....ahhhhh :) I'm fully aware that I should be doing something productive with my time, but fuck it. I'll get round to it. I've had a stressful day.

As for the other stuff that I mentioned in my last post, nothing to report! I still can't figure out if I'm interested or, more to the point, if he is. Honestly, I'm too old for this shit! Why can't it just be easy? I seem to be having the same conversation over and over recently with several of my friends, boys and girls, and we've all said exactly the same thing. We like someone, but we can't tell them because we don't think they'll reciprocate. And if they don't reciprocate, it will be embarrassing. And I know thats all true, but what I'm beginning to wonder is - why? Why is it embarrassing to like someone? Surely liking someone is a good thing? Its a nice feeling, and sure when people don't return the feelings its unpleasant, but how much of that is actually hurt feelings and how much of it is embarrassment because you told them? Its so frustrating. I don't understand how telling someone how you feel came to be seen as a weakness or something to be ashamed of. Especially as, if the person you like is a good person, they're not going to make a big deal out of it. If they do make a big deal then they're obviously not worth liking, right? Am I making any sense?? Probably not.

Oh, and one more anyone reading this blog who, in a few days, might decide to misinterpret what I've said and use it against me...I'll make you a deal. Ask me anything you want, and I'll answer honestly. 100% honestly. Because I'm so sick of the drama and mocking.
You know who you are :)

Lauren xxx

Sunday, 24 October 2010


Hi everyone.

Before I start, an apology to anyone reading this, it seems this blog has turned into a massive monologue. Half the time it feels like I'm dictating whats going through my mind at any given moment. Least I'm being honest though.

To anyone not reading this, I can't say I blame you. Good call.

Anyway. Moving onnnn :)

I'm unsure, being the total loser I am, whether or not I mentioned my new job in previous posts. I'm pretty sure I didn't. Its nothing amazing, just a few hours a week at the uni nightclub but its still pennies!! At the moment I'm just bar support and training but after Christmas the hours will change and I'll be on the bar itself, which could be interesting! I've done bar work before but that was at a tiny golf club back home, so nothing like a club full of pissed up students.

Other than work I've actually had a very pleasant weekend. My shopping trip on Friday was at least partially successful and I came home with three tops and a pair of wannabe Uggs (New Look, £16. Winner.) Hopefully I'll have some pics up of some of my new outfits other the next week or so :) Then I had a lovely night in with the housemates which involved a huge steak and a lot of chocolate. Not so good for Weight Watchers but it was a wicked night. Then yesterday I had another trip into town yesterday with Mummykins. We both bought dresses in Dorothy Perkins but mine is going back sadly, its farrrr too shapeless, it just makes me looks boxish. Never a good look for a fat girl. We also had Pizza Express, which was amazing but rather naughty tbh. Still, totally worth it!

Now, the sharper tacks among you may have noticed the title of this post. Normally when there's something on my mind I launch straight into it but I'm trying to gather my thoughts on this one because tbh, I don't really know what I think about the situation. And without knowing what I think about the situation I have to try to decipher what three other people think about the situation. Again, this is very much me monologuing but 9 times out of 10 writing it down helps me clear my head, so here goes.

Obviously, there's a guy. Well, actually, there are two guys. At the moment nothing has happened with either of them. Well, nothing more than a kiss at least. Where it gets complicated is that one of the guys is my friends ex. I know that I like him, and I know he's interested as well. But there's a code!! And, how the hell am I supposed to broach that subject with my friend? I can't. I'd be mortified. So would she! She'd say it was ok, it wouldn't be, bad things would happen. You know the drill. I can't do that to her.

Now the other guy...eurgh. He's hot. Again, its complicated. I know him from uni, he was in one of my wild module seminars last year but we've only just got talking properly. But I just can't seem to figure him out. We talk most days, and there's always mass innuendo and banter and sarcasm on both sides, but I can't figure out whether we're two eight year olds pulling each others hair in the playground, or whether we do genuinely annoy each other. He irritates the life out of me but I don't know whether thats pent-up sexual tension or genuine annoyance. There are never any clues, he'll say things and then not follow them up, etc etc. To be honest I think he just enjoys toying with me. Plus, I hate his friends. They're idiots. Eurgh, men. Part of me wants to put the 3st back on because while I may not be swimming in offers at the moment, I had absolutely none then! It was definitely easier!

Anyway, so there is my dilemma. Do I actually like him? And if I do, what am I supposed to do about it when he talks in code all the time? And if anything does happen, how am I supposed to deal with tweedle-dee, tweedle-dum, tweedle-dumber and tweedle-fucking-twat? Can I not hire someone to make these decisions for me??

If anyone wants to apply for the job, let me know!

Right, I'm off to the library...on a Sunday...nice.

Lauren xxx

Friday, 22 October 2010

I STS :(

Yep, stayed the same this week, which isn't fantastic. To be fair I have been massively drunk three days out of seven and have only had maximum of two or three days on or under points, so it could have been worse!!

You'll be pleased to know that I'm no longer super-bitch Lauren from earlier in the week, although I have woken up in a foul mood today for some reason. Being ill has really messed me up this week and all I've wanted to do is sleep, as such I haven't got loads done in terms of uni work. Fortunately being a lit student just means 'lots of reading', which you can do while snuggled in bed, so I've got some Moby Dick stuff for my essay done. Things like Edward II though, they require a bit more concentration...

Anyway, so today I'm feeling much better and have decided to head into town to do some shopping (food and clothes). The rest of my student loan has arrived and I am in such desperate need of new shoes its unreal. And actually kind of Oliver-Annie-poor-little-orphan-esque :/ So thats my day. This evening I am going to blitz the house because Mumma Jones is coming to see me tomorrow and if she sees the place in the state its in now she'll probably have a stroke.

Off to get ready now, toooodlessss :)

Lauren xxx

Monday, 18 October 2010

Kidney Infections Suck

Ok, so yesterday was not fun. It all started out Ok-ish, felt a little rough in the morning but I figured that was the booze from the night before so I just got on with it. By 8pm I had a temperature of 102.8 and was ready to throw myself under the next on-coming vehicle I could find. Unless that vehicle happened to be a Peugeot or a KA, as I'm pretty sure I'd do more damage to them than they would to me. Anyway, you take my point.

After a rather amusing conversation with an NHS Direct lady ('you have tonsilitus' 'no, I don't' 'yes, you do' 'my tonsils were taken out four years ago so no, I don't) I was told to go to 'the nearest available medical facility' to get checked out. That I did, and I have a kidney infection. Fuuuun. Two weeks antibiotics = no boozing for a fortnight. I can tell you now, ain't gunna happen! Stupid kidneys. I did not become a student so I could be sober for two weeks. I don't actually think I have been sober for a solid two week period since I turned sixteen. Which is slightly scary in itself.

I blame the parents.

Anyway, despite being in a ridiculous amount of pain (the drugs only take the edge off when you double-dose them with other painkillers, as I found out this evening) I managed to battle my way up to the campus this afternoon where I managed to see three people that I'd like to punch in the space of about three minutes of each other. All of them are from back home. I swear to God, they're out to get me. I don't mean to sound paranoid, but seriously, what is that!? Of all the universities in all the countries in all the world, these three cretins had to choose mine. The people I like fuck off to Birmingham and London. The ones I'd like to harm, come to Canterbury. CHRISSSSSTTT.

One day soon I will have something positive to post about.

It might even have something to do with Weight Watchers. But I'm making no promises on that one!

At the moment I'm just using this blog to rant. In fact, I might just create a list of annoyances and get it over and done with.

  1. The fact that half my secondary school are now at the same university as me.
  2. Party in the USA. Or not, as it were. This annoyance links quite nicely to annoyance #1 in that the whole point of America was to get away from the madness for twelve months. And also to meet a rich, hot, American guy who I will eventually marry. And we'll live in the suburbs and have three kids who say 'mom' and I will do charity work, because thats what women in my situation do. This links to annoyance #3:
  3. Because I'm ill, I have automatically reverted to shite eating today to make myself feel better. Note to self: peanut butter on toast and chocolate, while delicious, does not constitute a healthy balanced meal. Nobody likes a heifer, particularly aforementioned hot, rich Americans.
  4. The fact that the entire education system seems to be run by a load of pompous left-wing idiots who have nothing better to do than harp on about how evil Cameron is. Stop whining about what a bunch of Nazis the Conservatives are and just accept the fact that your party spend 13 years shitting all over us. And STOP trying to convert me to your bleeding-heart way of thinking. Aint gunna happen folks, sozzzz.
  5. Men. I just don't understand them in the traditional male-female context. When I'm with a guy who is just a friend, I understand him perfectly. Always on the same page. Might as well have a penis. The rest of the time its completely lost on me.
  6. My housemates. They're making far too much noise.
  7. My seminar leader. She's a colossal bitch. And she wears brown leather sandals with grey tights. I know this shouldn't influence my opinion of her as a person, but it just does.
  8. Student Finance. I just want my moneyyyy. Just so I can pay the rent. And eat. And have a life. And buy those really nice boots from New Look (before any of you start, yes, they are a priority. Mine have holes in!)
Ok, so there you go. There are my annoyances right now. I've just read that back and I sound like such a whingy miserable bitch. That so isn't what I'm like (any unfortunate fellow who is a regular reader of this blog will know that) I normally try to see the bright side.

Just so I'm not tempted to have a nice hot bath with a side order of slashed wrists, here are some of my bright sides:

  1. I have an amazing family. Granted, they're all fucking mental, but they're all healthy and happy.
  2. My friends are wicked. No, really. Heidi, Sonia, Em, Cat, Katie, Soph, Annie, Rosie, Adam, Jack, Jon, Matt, James, Jack B, Amy, Nat, this list could go on forever. Even if they're not reading this, I still want them to know I love them lots :')
  3. I might be ill and bitchy at the moment, but I am generally in good health and happiness.
  4. I might not be the most intelligent person out there, but I like to think that I'm reasonably bright and that I will be able to make something of myself.
  5. I'm slightly on the elephantine side now, but I'm a lot slimmer than I was this time last year. This time next year I'll be slimmer still. Its definitely going in the right direction!
  6. My hair looked nice today.
  7. I found a fiver in my coat pocket.
Ok, I'm about 110% sure that I've bored you all enough now. Also, I just took a huge batch of yummy tablets and they're making me dopey. So I'm going to head off to the land of nod!

Sweet dreams!

Lauren xxx

Sunday, 17 October 2010

Why Can't Things Ever Be Easy?

Seriously, just once, just once in my life, I would like something to be simple.

I will apologise now because this post has nothing whatsoever to do with Weight Watchers. The only foodie thing I will say is that I've gone massively over this weekend on booze and food, but I've got til Friday to be extra good and make it up so I don't care.

Now, onto the business at hand. ARRRRRRGGGHHHH.

The official title of my course at the University of Kent is 'English and American Literature with an approved year abroad'. Pretty simple right? Wrong. Firstly there are destinations across Europe and America to choose from. As I have absolutely no interest at all in anything European, I counted myself out of that one pretty swiftly. So, America, then?

I'll say now that two years ago when I was deciding on universities, Kent would not have been my first choice. The only reason I put it as my first choice was because they were the only one to guarantee a year in the states. Don't get me wrong, I like the university and the course, but its too close to home and the fact that there are people here who I went to school with really grates on me. Fact of the matter is, I wanted to come to uni and never see anyone from school ever again unless I wanted to. Now I'm prone to bump into them on campus and whenever friends come to visit me they want to see the others as well. It bothers me a lot less now than it did last year, we even get on and socialise together now which is nice. But still. Uni is supposed to be a clean break. Which it wasn't.

I digressed. Sorry. Back to my point.

I chose Kent because I was guaranteed a year abroad. Now, lo and fucking behold, it does not appear to be that easy. I have to put up a 'financial guarantee', a letter from a bank or something along the lines that states I have X amount of money (it differs depending on which university in the states you want to go to) that will be sat in an account for the entire year and will be available should I need to be flown home due to illness. Basically they don't want British exchange students being a drain on the American tax-payer. Which I can understand.

The only problem is, the universities I'm interested in (Massachusetts at Amherst, Maryland and South Carolina) all want financial guarantees of approximately £10,000 (about $14,000). Which I absolutely do not have. Which nobody in my family has.

So there goes the America dream.

Sorry for the huge rant there guys, I just really needed to let it all out. I've decided, much to the dismay of everybody who knows me, that if America goes completely out of the window I'm going to start again. Different uni, different course. Something geared more towards History perhaps. We'll have to see.

In the meantime, I really should be working.

Lauren xxx

Friday, 15 October 2010

Friday Morning

Well, I have just weighed myself and my first week back on track has resulted in a loss of 5.5lb!! I won't lie, I was expecting more than that, especially after I weighed myself yesterday and had lost almost 10lb! But I know weight fluctuates and is affected by all sorts of things so for now I'm just happy that I managed to lose that much! Yay! Here's hoping I see another good loss next week as well.

Now, this may sound slightly perverse, but I am suffering from what is known as my usual 'Friday morning blues'. Bizarre, I know. But I really don't like weekends at uni. It always seems like everyone but we is doing something really exciting. I know thats probably not the case, but I always feel a bit out of the loop for some reason, like nobody ever gets in touch unless I do first. Its probably me being silly and in all fairness its hardly a big shocker, I never made the effort last year. Might have been something to do with not wanting to leave my room EVER but still, thats not their fault.

On the bright side, my dad and brother are coming down to see me tomorrow for the day. Its only a 45 minute drive from my dads house to Canterbury so he tries to get down fairly regularly. I think we're going for lunch in Whitstable which is the next town over, its all pretty and sea-sidey, but will probably involve fish and chips for lunch so I'm planning to make some 0pt soup that I can have for tea tomorrow evening instead of using up more points (<--see, definitely a true fat-fighter again!) After that I have no idea what I will be doing for the weekend but it hardly sounds riveting either way - whoever said uni life is non-stop partying, lied. I want a refund.

Spose I shouldn't moan really...might give me a chance to get some work done....

Lauren xxx

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

I'm Baaackkk

Ok, ok, I know I've said that a billion gazillion times over the last couple of months, but this time I really really really mean it! The last couple of weeks have demonstrated to me, again, the shallowness of university life and although I'm loving this term, I'm pretty sure I'd love it more if I was a size 12!

So, anyway, as of last Thursday I have been back to tracking religiously. And from what I can tell from my sneaky peeks on the scales its definitely working. Friday morning is still weigh-in day so I will post my official loss for the week then, but I'm confident that it will be a good loss :) YAY!

I'm actually very impressed with myself this week because I've managed to stay on track AND enjoy going out. Magners Light is now my official favourite thing ever, its only 1pt per bottle and you wouldn't even know its not proper Magners! I've been drinking those whenever there are pre-drinks anywhere and sticking to vodka/bacardi and diet coke when I go out (not many places sell Magners Light) I've also been to Nando's, McDonalds, and ordered take-out this week, all within points (I admittedly did cash some of my BPs, but thats what they're there for!) I think as my points go down it will get harder again, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

While I'm posting, there is something else I should mention. A friend of mine recently shut down her blog because someone had left an unpleasant comment on one of her posts. I'm fortunate enough to have not had that happen to me as of yet, although I'm sure I will suffer the misfortune at some point in the future. When my friend told me what had happened, I was firstly annoyed at the pathetic person who felt the need to belittle someone else over the internet because to me that screams 'unhappy!'. Then I was angry at my friend for letting it get to her. She's so amazing, kind, strong, funny, intelligent and a thousand other things that I can't even begin to list, and there is no reason for her to have taken any notice of what that other person says. I know that its easier to listen to the bad things than listen to the good, and I'm pretty sure everyone else on the planet knows that as well, so it amazes me that someone would go onto someones blog and write something nasty.

I kind of feel like I'm rambling now, and not making any sense, but I suppose my point is that you have to do things for yourself, because thats the only way they'll ever get done. My mum nagged me for years to lose weight, but it never happened until I made the decision for me. It was, without a doubt, the best decision I ever made. It saved my life.
There are always going to be people out there who make you feel like crap, but you have to ask yourself 'why'? What are they getting out of it? If someone doesn't like the way you live your life, or doesn't accept your flaws as well as your strengths, then are they really worth it? I don't think so. Don't let someone else ruin something that you enjoy.

And don't be the person that ruins it for someone else.

'Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.' - Baz Luhrmann
Says it all really, doesn't it?

Lauren xxx

Sunday, 10 October 2010

Terrible Blogger!!

I can only apologise, I am a terrible blogger and have been greatly neglectful over the last month. Its taken a while to get back into the swing of uni, Weight Watchers and socialising but I'm getting back into it all now, after a 5lb gain. EEEEK. Hoping that being super-good this week will shift a couple of those and then all will be well :)

I'm absolutely loving uni and being in the house, although there have been some teething problems with the boys and cleanliness but it has definitely been better over the last couple of days. Uni is amazing as well, and I'm enjoying it sooo much more this year because the course is so much more interesting! I only have six contact hours a week which is a bit of a bitch because it means I only have two days a week on campus, and I get really bored so I've been spending a lot of time in the library. It means I'm getting more work done so I guess that's really a good thing.

I'm also enjoying the social side of things much more this term (could be something to do with being 3st lighter???) and I have been out of the house wearing shorts and a bodycon skirt which is daunting to say the least!! As I've been neglecting this blog so badly for almost a month (!!) I will upload some pics from the last few weeks. As I said I haven't lost any weight but the difference between now and eight months ago is scary!

None of these photos are great but they're the best I can do on short notice :)

This photo was taken on my 20th at the Wetherspoons in town. I apologise for the hair!!

I love this photo!! It was taken during Welcome Week when we helped out welcoming the new Freshers to uni life. LOVING the t-shirts, they're fabulous, aren't they?!

This little beauty was taken at the re-opening of the Works on the first day of term. It was insanely busy and I was already a little worse for wear but it was a wicked night!

Thats all from me for now because Heidi is here for the weekend and she needs to be fed!

Lauren xxx